I Did & I Still Do

8 years ago today, I put on a long white dress and a veil.  I met a man on the King's Road outside the Kensington & Chelsea registrar's office in London and when we went inside we said these words we wrote to each other.

"I give you this ring as I give you my heart that it might remind you that you are missed when we are apart.


I promise to be by your side as a friend and lover through poverty and prosperity, strength and weakness, to celebrate our triumphs and withstand our trials, to go the extra mile to realise our dreams and to meet you half way to resolve our differences, to face our future with hope, grace and love. Shoulder to should, hand in hand all the days of my life."

Happy Anniversary, Marc!  Thank you for all you are and all you make of me.

The Promise

The sun danced on the snow with a sparkling smile,

As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.

Then he turned and said, with a casual air

(Though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),

"I think I might like to get married to you"

"Well then", she said "Well there's a thought

But what if we can't promise to be all that we ought,

If I'm late yet again, when we plan to go out.

For I know I can't promise, I'll learn to ignore

Dirty socks and damp towels strewn all over the floor.

So if we can't vow to be all that we should

I'm not sure what to do, though the idea's quite good".

But he gently smiled and tilted his head

Til his lips met her ear and softly he said

"I promise, to weave my dreams into your own,

That wherever you breathe will be my heart's home.

I promise, that whether with rags or with gold I am blessed

Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.

Do you think the, my love, we should marry - do you?"

"Yes" she said smiling "I do".

-  Eileen Rafter

Sigheh

How bizarre is this?

Rumours of a Hurricane by Tim Lott

As a American expatriate I am always on a mission to understand the native inhabitants of this fair island. I am in equal measure delighted and befuddled by their behaviour.

My husband finds my behaviour amusing but is uncertain if my actions are uniquely me or something endemic to the the entire population of the US of A. Hard to say, really.

Part of my daily life is spent trying to navigate the waters of the cultural differences between the Americans and British.

A while back a member of the Thames Valley American Women's Club (of which I was on the board as their newsletter editor), gave me this book. I finally found it at the top of my pile and decided to see if I could fit it in before I had to get started on the next book group selection.

Rumours of a Hurricane is set in the tumultuous period between 1979 and 1990 in southern England, specifically London. Margaret Thatcher is being elected to Prime Minister as the novel begins.

The main characters are Charlie Buck and his wife Maureen. They are climbing the social ladder and navigating the rocky seas of the massive cultural change that occurred in Great Britain during the 1980s including the destruction of the labour unions, the rise and devastating fall of the property market, the effects of the implementation of feminism and the emergence of a belief in the dream that any man/woman could run their own business. The decade is easily one of tumultuous change.

But Charlie and Maureen are just trying to make it through. They start the decade in their early 50s. Their marriage is flawed to begin with leaving the couple to turn away from each other in the face of the changes . Charlie brings a suitcase of family history and a drinking problem to the journey which impairs his ability to cope with the changes. Maureen regains her power too late to repair her marriage having made too many bad choices. Their son Robert is lost in the chaos.

The title refers to an hilarious (although only in hindsight) event when a BBC weather man reported that rumours of hurricane in southern England were highly exaggerated which turned out to be unequivocally untrue. In fact, the hurricanes wrecked widesprea havoc. This is used in the book as a metaphor for the tendency during that decade to underestimate impact on people's lives of the events happening all around.

This book delivers a searing and insightful look into the psyche of the British people, particularly the inhabitants of the southern half of the island. I had tremendous sympathy for the characters and found their struggle to be real, horrifying and incredibly sad.

The novel is funny and heartbreaking. Lott is a talented writer who captures characters in a humane and vulnerable way without descending into sickly sweet sentimentality.

I couldn't put the book down. I read it morning and night in every moment of free time. My Facebook addiction suffered. My blogging suffered. My family suffered (not really - just seeing if you're paying attention)!

If you seek an understanding of the British, read this book. If you want a funny look at the 1980s in Great Britain this is the book for you. I highly recommend it! I am now going to go away and find more novels by Tim Lott.

Tell the World

My husband took out the rubbish tonight without me asking! I didn't even look at him with that evil eye.......

Is the world still spinning? Will the sun rise tomorrow morning? Has hell frozen over?

Married Surprises

The surprises about married life are many! It's not what I expected it to be. It's better. What's the best and worst surprises about marriage?

Best
He's my best mate. My biggest fan. And he makes me laugh nearly every day. At me, at him, with him, at the world, at our crazy life. He would save my life in a blizzard (and has done). Never thought I could love another person the way I love him. Even when he makes me crazy!

Worst
The worst surprise of married life is that even now after 8 years of being together and 5 years of marriage, he still won't do things my way. Grrrrrr! LOL!

And raising children is harder than it looks.

And no one is having as much sex as they say they are!

When I Was 18

What was I thinking?

At 18 I was in love with a boy named Troy. I thought I would marry him and have a couple children. I thought I would love him forever and he me.

And then he broke my heart. And then I wasn't in love. And I was never going to get married and I sure as heck wasn't going to have children. Ever.

I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up and most tragically, I wasn't even sure what my options were or what path I would take get anything I wanted. I knew that if I wanted something I was going to have to do this myself.

I wanted to make my father proud and I wanted to prove to my mother that I was capable of supporting myself regardless of the tidiness of my bedroom.

I spent the next few years trying desperately to figure all of it out. I tried on different personalities. I learned about far away people and places. And then I wanted to see the world. And I figured out what I was good at. And then I focused.

I was about 22 years old before it all came together career wise largely because I had control over that. I knew where I wanted to go and had knowledge of the framework I needed to get me there along with a reasonable time frame.

But I had no idea and no control over the relationship and family aspects of my life. I knew I didn't want to spend a fortune on my education and then be unable to reap the benefits if I got sidetracked on to the mummy track. At 18, I didn't even consider the insertion of children into the equation. And I couldn't find a man I wanted to marry and wanted to marry me.

Marc and my children were a happy accident. Completely unplanned and whilst I have altered my career plan slightly, I'd do it all over exactly the same way. And in a round about way my reality turned out very similar to my vision. But the road I took to get here was completely different than planned.