Failure

I read an excellent article in O Magazine the other day about the possibility and associated fear of failure. It talked about how failure is the best teacher and we should embrace it.

That ain't a lesson I get too easily.

I hate failure. I hate not being perfect. Although it doesn't happen often (LOL), less than spectacular always befuddles me.

Which means I spend a lot of time befuddled.

But here was this article telling me I needed to take more risks and embrace the failure that inevitably follows doing something you've never done before. The lessons I would learn would make me more resilient, more knowledgeable, stronger. In short it would make me a better person.

I disagree. I say I would learn that failure doesn't feel good. It would damage my confidence and my self esteem causing me to doubt myself even more. I don't stand up and brush myself off very well. I like to wallow for a bit. And no one wants to wallow.

Not right now, I say. I'll keep doing what I'm assured I can do until I feel I can handle the setback, thank you very much.

It's About the People

I have mentioned previously that I am a subscriber to O Magazine. I pay a small fortune to have that magazine sent to me here in the UK. And I read it cover to cover every month. I read an article in there last month that I just have to tell you about.

Elizabeth Edwards is the wife of US Democratic President candidate John Edwards. She is currently fighting the return of cancer that first hit her immediately following the end of the 2004 US Presidential race when her husband was the Vice President candidate on the ballot with John Kerry.

She fought hard then and she is fighting hard now. She and her husband have made the decision to carry on running in the election. She considers it her life's work.

But this isn't the first or even second tragedy to strike the Edward family. Their 16 year old son, Wade, was killed in a car accident. Elizabeth admits that her world fell apart. It would, wouldn't it? Her faith was in tatters and she was rudderless for some time.

But through it all, Elizabeth has learned so much and one of the words of advice that she left me with and that I am practicing every day since I read the article, it that it's all about the people.

She finds it reprehensible that one of the mottos of America is "He who dies with the most toys wins." She insists that it's not what we have but the connections with people and our impact on the community in which we live that will be our legacy when we are gone.

She encourages people to know people. Find out the name of the person who serves you lunch. Who delivers your post. The security guard in your office. Connect with them. Say hello. Be polite. Ask about their lives. This could change a life.

Yesterday, I found out that the man who always serves me lunch is named Robert. He's served me lunch several times a week for the last year or so. You should have seen his face when I asked his name. Shocked, disarmed, and then pleased. I asked him if he had had a nice weekend. He said he did.

And then he served another person their lunch. With a smile on his face a bit bigger than it normally was. I wonder if he had a good day yesterday. I shall find out today.

Must find out what that security guard's name is. He is always so kind. I must tell him.

It's all about the people.

Advice

What is the one piece of advice I wish I'd been given as a young woman? Not that I would have listened much I don't think....depends on who was giving. I certainly wasn't listening to my mom at this stage of the game! She could have told me I was on fire and I would have ignored her. Do all mothers and daughters have a phase like this?

The on piece of advice I wish I had been given loud and clear was that very few decisions in life are permanent. As a matter of fact, in my 43 years I've only made 1 decision that was irreversible: having children. Once you become a mother, you are a mother for life. You can guess I don't have any tattoos but nowadays even those are a bit erasable....sort of, kind of, ok not really. So, tattoos and children.

Everything else can pretty much be done over. But no one told me that. I stressed and procrastinated making decisions because I was so afraid of making the wrong decision. And I wouldn't be able to undo or do over.

Now I know this just isn't true.

If you get the wrong degree in university, go back and get a post graduate degree in something else. Or do night courses. Or train on the job as a volunteer. I know loads of doctors who studied to be lawyers first go round.

If you take the wrong job, quit.

If you book the wrong holiday, grab a quick flight to somewhere else. Or change hotels. Or do more research or get recommendations from a trusted source next time.

If you order the wrong food ask someone to swap. Or ask the waiter to bring you something else. You might have to pay twice but at least you're eating what you want to eat.

If you by the wrong thing, take it back. Or donate it to a charity shop.

If your dating the wrong man, STOP! If you marry the wrong man, divorce him. Hopefully, you don't undertake this decision lightly and give it much careful consideration but ultimately this can be undone.

Now hopefully, you don't make many bad decisions. If you do maybe you need to slow down your decision process.

But I wish someone had told me, very few decisions in life are for keeps. It would have meant I wouldn't have been so afraid of complete and utter failure for so long and been paralyzed at every turn that I might take the wrong road. It took me well into my 30s before I learned this!

Now I believe, when I come to a fork in the road take a road. Any road. Read the signage and know a little bit about where each is going to take you but pick one and just get a move on. You can always turn back or take a short cross through the woods if you find you don't like where you're headed.