Eye Sight

The other evening I was trying to thread a needle. (See previous post about Name Tags.)


I realised I couldn't see to thread the needle.


I had a major attack of mortality.


I first noticed this back when I travelled to Toronto and I was trying to read a book in bed and felt like I couldn't see the words exactly. I blamed the book. I bought some of those silly reading glasses but never wore them hoping the problem would just go away.


I think it has gotten worse. I finally put off the inevitable and scheduled an eye test.


It's official. My eye sight is worse than it was a year ago. First time in 17 years. Not exactly worse; my short sightedness is better but my long sightedness is way way worse. The eye doctor kept saying really annoying things like "When you are over 40, these things start to happen....blah blah blah!" Hey, when did that happen? Oh, yeah, like 4 years ago......

I have no wordered myself a pair of bifocals. I hear the technology is much better than it used to be and no one will know I am wearing bifocals unless I tell them (which I just did I guess). I'm horrified.

I am getting older. Dang, I thought I might sneak through to immortality. Must add that to my To Do List.

Advice

What is the one piece of advice I wish I'd been given as a young woman? Not that I would have listened much I don't think....depends on who was giving. I certainly wasn't listening to my mom at this stage of the game! She could have told me I was on fire and I would have ignored her. Do all mothers and daughters have a phase like this?

The on piece of advice I wish I had been given loud and clear was that very few decisions in life are permanent. As a matter of fact, in my 43 years I've only made 1 decision that was irreversible: having children. Once you become a mother, you are a mother for life. You can guess I don't have any tattoos but nowadays even those are a bit erasable....sort of, kind of, ok not really. So, tattoos and children.

Everything else can pretty much be done over. But no one told me that. I stressed and procrastinated making decisions because I was so afraid of making the wrong decision. And I wouldn't be able to undo or do over.

Now I know this just isn't true.

If you get the wrong degree in university, go back and get a post graduate degree in something else. Or do night courses. Or train on the job as a volunteer. I know loads of doctors who studied to be lawyers first go round.

If you take the wrong job, quit.

If you book the wrong holiday, grab a quick flight to somewhere else. Or change hotels. Or do more research or get recommendations from a trusted source next time.

If you order the wrong food ask someone to swap. Or ask the waiter to bring you something else. You might have to pay twice but at least you're eating what you want to eat.

If you by the wrong thing, take it back. Or donate it to a charity shop.

If your dating the wrong man, STOP! If you marry the wrong man, divorce him. Hopefully, you don't undertake this decision lightly and give it much careful consideration but ultimately this can be undone.

Now hopefully, you don't make many bad decisions. If you do maybe you need to slow down your decision process.

But I wish someone had told me, very few decisions in life are for keeps. It would have meant I wouldn't have been so afraid of complete and utter failure for so long and been paralyzed at every turn that I might take the wrong road. It took me well into my 30s before I learned this!

Now I believe, when I come to a fork in the road take a road. Any road. Read the signage and know a little bit about where each is going to take you but pick one and just get a move on. You can always turn back or take a short cross through the woods if you find you don't like where you're headed.

Middle Aged?

In Oprah's magazine (which I read faithfully every month and pay an arm and a leg to have it delivered to me here in the UK) there was an article about 40 something women taking stock of their life. The article posed some fascinating questions and I thought I might ask you to answer them. Even if you aren't 40.

I'll do my best to answer them myself although definitely not in one post. This is going to require lots of thought!

1. When you were 18, what did you imagine your future would look like? How close is your reality to your vision?



2. What is one piece of advice you wish you'd been given as a young person?



3. What is the best money you ever spent?



4. What was your biggest financial mistake-the complete waste of money that haunts you to this day?



5. What has been the best surprise of married life? And the worst?



6. What is the best thing about being a woman? And the worst?



7. At this point of your life, is there a dream which you will never fulfill? What is it and what makes you so sure it's out of reach?

Cosmetic Surgery

I don't get the whole thing with cosmetic surgery or the obsession with appearances. Where is the obsession with a person's mind? Shouldn't what an individual have to contribute to a debate mean a whole bunch more than how they look?

Now, I know I will get it in the neck for this post. And I do differentiate cosmetic surgery and plastic surgery. Plastic surgery is that which is required for medical purposes. Severely disfigured people and even breast reductions to relieve back pain are wholly excusable. What I'm talking about here is cosmetic surgery solely for the purposes of looking better, looking younger, looking like gravity and toxins doesn't exist in your world.


Too often, we are guiltly of judging a book by its cover. We elect our politicians based on how they look. I have heard that JFK won the Nixon-Kennedy televised debate simply because he wore makeup and Nixon didn't. A lot has been made of John Edwards fussing with his hair for an extravagantly long time before a television interview. I would too, if what I was about to say wasn't going to be heard if a hair was distractingly out of place.


We are born. Our skin is soft and for the most part absent of blemish. We enter childhood and the sunshine adds freckles. We enter puberty and hormones add spots. Sometimes disease like chicken pocks leave scars. We run into things or get hit by things that add scars. As women, we become fixated with using beauty products to alter what we look like when we wake up in the morning. Some women are unrecognizable without their makeup.


And then we age. Women, and increasingly men, spend a vast sum of money on anti-ageing creams. I'm talking billions of dollars. This article talks about the green impact of all those beauty products.


What's wrong with showing your age? Doesn't the appearance of wrinkles indicate that you're not as naive and idealistic as you used to be? Don't the hands of an old woman make you appreciate all she has done with her life and the struggles she has survived? You'll see the caption on my blog profile picture says "Wrinkles are Wisdom". I believe this.


Whilst I appreciate the enthusiasm of youth, I tend to bow to the wisdom of experience. Besides I am very suspicious of these people who tell me they have no time for reading when they are immaculately groomed. Although I do have profound respect for those people who manage both! Looking beatufiul and young takes time, money, and dedication. Do you know how much a face scrub costs? And is it seriously painful. And the risks involved are enormous.


Imagine if all the money spent on cosmetic surgery in the US alone was sent to New Orleans, LA. I bet we could rebuild that city! Isn't that a higher priority?


We all have to die of something. Believe it or not, life is terminal. Sometimes the good die far too young. And the bad live way to long. We can't change that. It is what it is. We can strive to find cures for diseases and we can aim to live healthy lifestyles. But ultimately we are all going to die. The sooner we make peace with this, the better. And what is wrong with showing the journey of life in our faces, our necks, our hands, our bodies?

Goodbye President Ford

It is so strange the way memory works. Yesterday, I was called home from work because Sebastian's earache has taken a rather turn for the worse and was driving the childminder up the wall with his howling. I don't pay her enough to listen to that noise. I, on the other hand, don't get paid enough either but I have to do it.

Anyway, as I was stroking Seb's head (he wouldn't let me out of his reach), I had live coverage of the late President Gerald R Ford's funeral on the television. Pictures from the past were flashed across the screen and memories of my childhood came flooding back. He is the very first president I really remember. I remember watching him be sworn in after the resignation of Nixon. I remember those suits. I remember my mother ranting about Ford pardoning Nixon. And I remember him losing the next election without any understanding of why. I have first hand memory of so many of the historical events during his presidency and what makes it even more potent is that these are some of my earliest childhood memories.

I was saddened by Ford's death much more so than I was by Reagan's despite the fact that I actually voted for Reagan (2nd term). Gerald Ford seemed to be honest, trustworthy, dependable, and not really a politician. When I was a girl I liked thinking this man was also a father. I didn't find any comfort in thinking this about Clinton. In fact that thought still scares the hell out of me. And he was trustworthy. You believed what he said. This is not a feeling I experience with any aspect of the Bush (the 2nd) administration or the man.

I was really saddened by the sight of Betty Ford. She looked like her heart had been broken in a million little pieces. I can't imagine how you wake up to the next day after 58 years of marriage and find your companion, friend, husband is no longer there. I was also simultaneously inspired though by the way her children held her up. Their grief was palpable.

I suppose as I age these events will continue with increasing frequency. It makes me sad to feel my age.