Does writing about my depression help me?

No.  Or at least, it doesn't feel like it does.

So, why do I do it?

Partly because I always write, if not on paper, then in my head.

Mostly, I do it for my friends and my family.  I do it to help them understand the torment inside my head.  Somehow it comes out better in words I write than when I speak.  Speaking is difficult.  I get lost in my thoughts and my words become all jumbled.  And sometimes when I get frustrated trying to express myself I start to stutter.  Then I get anxious and here we go on a downward spiral.

When I write it is all just a bit easier to make sense of it.  No one is looking at me.  No one is nodding their head.  No one is finishing my sentences for me.  No one is interrupting.

I also do it for others who know someone afflicted with this horrible illness.  Maybe if they read what I've written, it will give a tiny little insight into our spectrum of darkness.

Finally, I suppose I write it in the hope that it reaches out and touches someone who is struggling today and helps them take one step towards the light. 

Not Good Enough

The greatest gift my depressive illness has given me is that I don't really care what other people think of me so much any more.

I used to want to fit in so much.  I wanted to be liked by everybody, to be friends with everyone, be invited to all the dinner parties, coffee mornings, and after-work drinks.  The fact is I wasn't.  And I didn't fit in.

Maybe it was because I didn't have enough money to go on the spur of the moment girlie weekend trips to the spas or far flung trendy beaches.  Maybe it was because my body was too big and just doesn't look great in the trendy designer fashion (as if I could even afford that).  Maybe my sense of humour is a bit quirky.  Probably it's because when I get a few too many drinks in me I can be a bit loud. Even sober I can be a bit loud.

Don't get me wrong:  I have many, many friends who love me more than their luggage just the way I am.  But my mind always focuses on those few unfortunates that just didn't quite get me.  Then the paranoia sets in. The ones who don't quite get me are trying to convince those that did to not get me anymore when I reality if they ever did discuss me, my friends would have told them to fuck off.

In my mind I feel I am just simply not good enough.  I grew up thinking I wasn't good enough.  I've had a series of setbacks that told me I wasn't good enough.  It doesn't matter how many times I've been told that I am amazing, outstanding, interesting, extraordinary individual with a limitless capacity for compassion and generosity.  All of those fade into the background over the shouting of "not good enough".

In my depression, I cling to that like a self fulfilling prophecy.  I have every reasonable excuse to never ever be good enough again.

But if I focus on just this very moment, right now, and not a moment longer, I am good enough to write this and hope someone finds that they were good enough to read it and it helped.

A Day of Thanksgiving

This year, more than any other year past, I have so much to be thankful for.

1. My health:  Last year I spent Thanksgiving in a psychiatric clinic under the watchful eyes of some incredible and dedicated mental health professionals to ensure that I didn't, first and foremost, harm myself.  Beyond that they helped me navigate a torteous path of recovery from the depths of depression to where I am today:  stronger, calmer, happier, more content, more resilient.  I hate to say that I have fully recovered because I'm not entirely sure what that means but at least I know I am better than I was and madness is being kept at an arm's length.
2. My husband:  I can't imagine how diffcult the last 16 months has been on my husband who vowed to love, honour and cherish one woman and has ended up loving, honouring, and cherishing quite another.  We have grown together.  He is my rock and my soft place to fall all rolled into one.  We struggle everyday but at least it is our struggle and we do it together.  I love him more today than I ever have.
3.  My children:  Never in a million years did I imagine how they would change me and how their growth impacts my growth.  They have the sweetest kisses and the sweetest cuddles.  One smile from them can banish whatever internal monsters I am fighting and make every day worth whatever is being thrown at me.  I am so grateful to have such incredible individuals in my life.
4. My friends:  I am surrounded by an army of amazing friends.  They have picked me up.  They have carried me.  They have walked with me.  They have cried with me.  They have bathed me.  They have fed me.  They have laughed with me.  They have brought me coffee.  They have sat with me.  They have held my hand.  They have never judged me.  They never gave up on me.  They believe in me.  They nuture my spirit.  They inspire me.  And there is so many of them!
5. My home:  I am warm.  I am protected from the elements of wind, rain, snow and frost.  I am fed.  I have access to and can afford nutritious fresh fruit and vegetables.  I have plenty of protein in my diet.  I have access to clean drinking water at all times. I am clothed and I have shoes on my feet.
6. My community:   I am protected by a dedicated force of police officers and fire fighters who will risk their lives to ensure the safety of mine.  I have the right to vote.  I have freedom of speech.  I have access to free health care.  I have nieghbours I can count on.  I have access to high quality education.  I have opportunity to do meaningful work.  I have the right to practise (or not) the religion of my choice.  I have the right to love, marry, and have sex with who I want.

There is nothing I need that I do not have.

 

There is much that I wish was different in the world.  I wish there was less hate and more peace.  I was there was less greed and more giving.  I wish there was less grief and more joy.  I wish everyone could grow old.  I wish there was less disease and illness.  I wish there was less slefishness and more self awareness.  I wish there was more singing and music and less noise.  I wish there was more art and less rubbish.  I wish there was less corruption and more purity and compassion.  I wish we took care of each other better and thought less of ourselves.  I wish we were more forgiving and less hostile.  I wish there was less poverty and more equity.  I wish there were more books.  There can never be too many books.

 

I wish I was thankful every day for every day. 

Summer Ball

It was that time of year again and we dutifully botted and suited set off for the annual Summer Ball with our good friends, Sean and Helen. A big thanks to the babysitter, Gill, who made sure the children were tucked away safe and sound whilst we drank far too much champagne and danced until our feet bled (literally). A fabulous night was put on by the dedicated school volunteers and hopefully we raised a substantial amount for charity (and the school)! Until next year.....

NOTE: My husband made (sewed) his very own bow tie. he was so enamored with my choice of frock (ie dress) that he set off to the fabric store, picked out a matching colour of fabric, brought it home, made his own pattern, and sewed his very own bow tie. Check him out!!!!

A Bit Sore

I had two lumps removed from my back last night. I'm a bit sore and can't find a comfortable position to rest but am relieved to have them gone.

The two lumps appeared quite a few years ago and because I was overweight they weren't really causing me any problems. Now that I've dropped the weight the one on my left side was causing me considerable discomfort when I sat back in a chair or sofa.

The consultant diagnosis was that they were benign lipomas, which is just a fancy word for fat growths, apparently common in women between the ages of 40 and 60 and have nothing to do with being obese.

After some local anaesthesia (which hurt the most and brought tears to me eyes), the surgeon made 2 incisions above the lumps and popped them out like spots. One was about double the size of a pea and came right out. The one on the left side was larger and required a bit more oooomphs and digging but eventually came out as well. I was then stitched up and have some shower proof bandages on for the next week. Stitches are all on the inside. I should have some small scars which will stretch and the lumps will be sent for biopsy but they looked pretty benign to me (just like chicken fat). I'll check back with the consultant in about 3 weeks.

All in all I was at the hospital for 1.5 hours and other than some shaking caused by the shock of being sliced open, I was fine until the anaesthesia wore off about 2 am this morning.

I have to say thanks to all the offers of help I have gotten. My colleagues at work have been extremely supportive and the mums at school were little angels. A big thank you goes out to Jane Andrews who finally convinced me that driving myself to and from the hospital whilst Marc took care of the children was not a good solution. She turned up at my door just before 6 pm with a load of magazines and a chocolate bar. She went with me to the hospital and diverted my attention sufficiently before the procedure to keep me from freaking out. She was there waiting patiently when I came out and sat with me after my cup of tea whilst I stopped shaking and then dutifully delivered me safe and sound right back to the bosom of my home and family. Gratitude is really an insufficient expression for the calm she brought to me and my husband last night.

Sebastian had waited up and wanted to care for me. My husband has made me endless cups of tea and coffee and even brought me my breakfast in bed.

I am in bed resting and am hoping that I will be back on my feet by tomorrow. I may even feel like going for a run this weekend! A weight has been lifted from my shoulders and despite the short term ache, it feels good.

Local Celebrities

These two dads from school were moaning at me about how they have never been featured on my blog. I did try to point out to them that they hadn't really done anything worthy of being featured on this blog but they seemed genuinely hurt.

So here it is boys. That would be Mark on the left and Rob on the right. Say hi everybody!

Q&A

I just love these.....if you've got a blog put your answers on there. If you don't get one or leave reply in comments!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, a horse

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I cry all the time.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING Yes

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast Beef

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1 Son, 1 Daughter

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? yes

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Who me?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS no

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? yes

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Capn Crunch

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no

12. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE STRONG? yes

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Smile

15. RED OR PINK? pink

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my weight

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Grandmother

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Brown trousers, no shoes

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? lasagne

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? E O Chan Brazilian Carnival music

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Periwinkle

22. FAVORITE SMELLS? the sea, fresh sheets, my children after a bath

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Maria

24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, we go back a long way

25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Baseball

26. HAIR COLOR? Blondish

27. EYE COLOR? Green

28. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I should.......

29. FAVORITE FOOD? Lobster/Sushi

30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings

31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Whale Rider

32. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? brown

33. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer

34. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs

35. FAVORITE DESSERT? Bread and Butter Pudding

36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Out of the Doll's House

37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? 2007/2008 Calendar

38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LATE LAST NIGHT? nothing

39. FAVORITE SOUND? children's unbridled laughter

40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones

41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Maldives

42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? listening

43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Omaha, NE

I Met a Man on the Internet

As far as strange things go, this might just be one of the strangest things to ever happen to me and my family.

I've been doing this blog for nearly a year now. On the back of this, my sister started one and my extended family (Janell and her crew of siblings) proliferated too many to link to here. In a stranger twist of fate, one of my sister's university/college roommates/sorority sisters (Leah)decided to start one.

Now hang on for this. Leah has married a man named Adrian. 'sbest friend and best man at his wedding is a man named Joe. Joe would regularly comment on Leah's blog and you could count on us disagreeing. Before I knew what had happened Joe was a regular visitor to my blog.

Inevitably, Joe disagreed with what I wrote and would express himself passionately all over my comments. Other regular visitors to my blog assumed I knew Joe. He visited Janell's blog and her family's catalogue of blogs. You can see the passionate opinions he has incited on the current post about my new boss.

So, the really strange thing is I barely know Leah. I've never meant Adrian. Joe has met my sister because she was Leah's maid of honour and Joe was Adrian's best man but they aren't buds and haven't really had more than a 10 minute conversation. But Joe visited my home Friday evening.

Yes, you read that correctly. A man I had never met and vehemently disagrees with me on just about everything had dinner with me and my family in our home. How does this happen, I ask myself (and you are probably asking me as well)?

Joe works for an international company and just recently gained responsibility for the patch that has an office near our home. When he found out he was going to be in our neck of the woods (so to speak) he dropped me a note and we arranged a time to get together.

Janell will be pleased to know that there was no physical violence. We didn't even have a single argument. We marvelled at the photographs of Joe's beautiful family and his homes (both soon to be old and soon to be new). We ogled his technology gadgets. We giggled at his Americaness. We shared a meal of traditional English curry take away. We drank more and stayed up later than we should have. We got up way too early and met up for coffee and a whistle stop tour of Windsor and the castle. Then we dropped him off at the airport.

My husband is revelling in telling people that "my wife and I had a man over that we met on the Internet." I've asked him to stop saying that.

Joe will be returning to England on a regular basis and he is more than welcome to visit us. We hope he brings his family one of these times and stays for a wee bit longer than a couple of hours late at night. We hope to show him a bit more of my adopted country.

Anyone else planning a visit?

Beaver Scouts

The other night was Sebastian's first Beaver Scout meeting. Sort of.

It was a Halloween party so everyone was supposed to come in costume. the problem is he doesn't know any of these boys. They don't go to his school. And meeting people for the first time is hard enough. It is even harder when they are dressed up in costumes.

I went with a plan to stay with him throughout the evening just to make sure he would be ok. He was very brave and told me before we got there that I didn't have to stay.

Once we arrived his story changed. I imagine that in his mind, making new friends isn't all that difficult. You find out each other's names and then you just start talking.

I also imagine that the reality of just how extremely difficult it is to connect with people, even children, set in once he walked into the room of complete strangers. As an adult I find making new friends extremely difficult. Adults have agendas. Adults lie. Adults have secrets. Adults don't make good friends.

Sebastian clung to my leg and I started to feel myself clinging to him as I feared for his self confidence. But I knew I had to let him go. More than that, this mother bird knew she had to give him a good firm push out of the nest.

Our ray of hope arrived when a boy who lives not far from us turned up. They play well together although they are not the best of friends but at least he knew someone. I took this as my opportunity to cut and run.

I said goodbye to Seb and told him he would have fun. He looked a bit dubious but trusted me enough to say ok.

When I returned an hour later, he ran up to me and told me that the time had gone really fast. He was excited to tell me everything they had done. He couldn't remember anyone's name and I doubt he was able to make any friends but he is willing to give it another go next week.

Stay tuned!

Food as Science Theatre

The meal at The Fat Duck was sensational. I got the most joy watching Clare & Michael (& Marc) enjoy the 16 course Tasting Menu. It wasn't just about the taste but also about the theatre of presenting the food. My photos could only capture a very small fraction of the adventure involved.

There were a couple new things since the last time I was there including Whiskey Wine Gums which were attached to a map. It was a great way to taste whiskey!

We had a wonderful afternoon!

Yesterday Clare & Michael did some shopping and relaxing whilst I had to get some work done. We had a home cooked meal of lasagna courtesy of Mr. Marc. I tell you, I'd prefer to have his lasagna over The Fat Duck every day!

This morning we will deliver Clare & Michael to their hotel in central London for their return cruise back to the USA! I had so eagerly anticipated their arrival and their visit has seemed so short. My children instantly fell in love with them much like I did 20 years ago. Abigail was calling her Aunt Clare by the first evening.

Bon Voyage!

Hampton Court Palace

Hampton Court Palace was built by Thomas Wosley, a trusted advisor and spin doctor for King Henry VIII. It is quite simply one of my favourite tourist attractions in England and if you have been one of my visitors, you have more than likely been taken there. I have been so many times I would hazard that I could give the tour myself.

But they do keep it quite fresh and since the last time I was there they have added several exhibitions which taught me loads that I didn't know. I love it when that happens!

Yesterday after meeting Clare & Michael at a half way point from their last visit (to Southampton) we set off for Hampton Court Palace. the most amazing thing was the grape vine. HCP has the oldest grape vine in the world. Look it up - it's in the Guinness Book of World Records. And since it is September, they were harvesting grapes. So we bought some and ate some. Hmmmm, they weren't seedless!

It was a glorious day so we got to walk about the astounding gardens. It seems every time I have gone to HCP previously it has been raining. This was the very first time that the sun was shining. Gloriously! Man, I want their gardener!

Last night we had a quick bite to eat at Wagamama's in Windsor. We left the children with Clare & Michael to do bath & bed whilst Marc & I went to Parent's evening for Year 2 at St George's school.

I don't remember learning this much when I was 6. I was exhausted just listening to the teacher talk about electricity and forces of movement and creative writing and spelling and multiplication and division. I'm sure I learned that stuff at 10 or so.

Today we are off to The Fat Duck in Bray. This will be my third time to The Fat Duck but with Clare & Michael being quite the food & wine connoisseurs I am really looking forward to this! I think I might have even talked Marc into trying the tasting menu.

Big thanks to Jackie for handling the school pickups and tea!

Old Friends

Back in 1991 I moved to Germany and my life changed forever. Who I was and how I viewed the world shifted dramatically. I had to learn a new language and I had to make friends.

It was not easy to make friends in a foreign country, particularly Germany where friendships are formed during your early school years and who your parent's friends are. The Germans rarely move far from the place they grew up and hence they don't have a requirement to make new friends very often. The workplace is very formal and not a place for making friends either.

However, in the midst of my desperate loneliness I met Clare & Michael Workman. They both worked for PacTel Cellular who was one of the partners in the D2 consortium which was run by Mannesmann Mobilfunk.

Clare & Michael welcomed me into their home for numerous meals and Sunday afternoon film extravaganzas. We've gone on holiday together with our trip to Florence being one of the highlights on my travel diary with Rome a close second. Clare & Michael loved me and took care of me particularly after my relationship with a Canadian I had met over there broke down.

Clare & Michael left Germany a few years back and moved home to California. The last time they visited us was just (like a couple weeks) after Sebastian was born. We lived in a small 2 bedroom house that was barely big enough for us. My mother was also staying with us at the time. Didn't phase them one bit. they helped us take foot and hand prints of Sebastian for his baby book and whenever I look at those I always think of them. They are the most witty, clever, and generous people you will ever meet.

Well, they are back to visit us again and meet Abigail.

We've got a couple things planned but mostly we'll just be catching up with old friends! I am soooooooo excited!

Summer Hols Play Date

I took the day off yesterday so my children could invite some of their playmates around and enjoy the brilliant summer weather we are finally experiencing.

Ben and Grace came over for lunch with their mummy, Jane. The children then disappeared off to go play. Jane and I sat in the garden and had a relaxing adult chat for a couple of uninterrupted hours. Not completely uninterrupted but very nearly. How wonderful!

It's fabulous to actually get to the point where your children can take themselves off to the toilet or resolve their disagreements on their own without parental escalation. I was able to finish my sentences and even entire thoughts. It felt liberating and relaxing.

I was so relaxed I almost forgot I had to go to work this morning. Only 3 more days to go!

And now the packing anxiety is starting to kick in. I've got a 2 page list full of things not to forget to pack. You know I'll forget something!

40th Birthday Party

Our friend Sean, husband to Helen and father to Sam & Lottie, turned 40 last week. Marc and I went to Birmingham to join him and 20 other mates to celebrate.

We left the home counties (the counties around London) about 4 pm and headed north for about 100 miles. Sat nav took us directly to the hotel door (I LOVE Sat Nav!). We checked it and proceeded to destroy the room. I find it amazing how quickly one can make a perfectly meticulous hotel room look like a hurricane has hit in under 5 minutes. That's my hubby. I used to stay in hotel rooms a lot. You could hardly tell I had arrived. Not Marc. He arrives and it looks like 3 suitcases just burst open and the contents are strewn all over the place. Alas, I digress.

We met up with everyone at Blanc Brasserie. We missed our original seating as there were a couple people who didn't bother to show up on time. So we proceeded to have just a few too many Gin & Tonics before we ate. I have a garlic soup which was a brilliant choice on a night out, followed by a fishcake. It was a bit too salty and there were no vegetables served with it. Glad I had a meringue with ice cream for pudding or I could have starved.

From the restaurant we bid farewell to a couple of party poopers and went clubbing. Yes, night clubbing. This would appear to be a highly unlikely activity for a 40+something mother of 2 and to be honest I haven't been clubbing since we had children ( almost 7 years ago). My dancing shoes were a bit rusty.

Ah, but I got those cute little black velvet kitten mules shined up in no time. Dancing is a bit like riding a bicyle. If you couldn't do it when you were a child you probably aren't any good at it now. No, just kidding!

We bopped to the pounding beat of the excruciatingly loud music until well after 1 am and our hearing had been at least temporarily impaired. At which point we poured ourselves into a taxi and headed back to the hotel. We had one of the best and most aggressive taxi drivers I've ever encountered in the UK.

Sean was looking decidedly worse for the wear but somehow Helen, Marc and I got a second wind. Sean went off to bed but we shared a bottle of champagne and roast beef sandwich with chips in the hotel bar and stayed up talking until 3:30 am. That's what he gets for turning 40. just for the record, this 40 year old out did that 40 year old (only just but don't tell him that!) I didn't drink 1/2 what he did.

This was a much needed break for Marc & I. The next morning we got to sleep in and share a beautiful breakfast with Sean & Helen. We found my favourite of Eggs Benedict down in the beautiful canal district of the city centre of Birmingham. And this was a bit of a surprise as well!

I used to work for a company based out of Birmingham. In fact, that is where I met Helen. And Birmingham was a concrete jungle that looked like time had forgotten it since it was built in the 60s and 70s. But it has been rejuvenated lately and it looks beautiful.

We had a great time! Happy Birthday, Sean! And welcome to the second half of your life!

Weekend Plans

This weekend Marc & I have a rare weekend away from the children. We are going up to Birmingham to celebrate the 40th birthday of our friend, Sean. Our former neighbour, Gill, is babysitting the children. We are going up around 4 pm today, staying over night and plan to return by 2 pm tomorrow afternoon. Dinner and dancing is on the cards! No doubt fuelled by a few drinks and some glorious summer weather!

Seb has got a riding lesson today at midday and that will be his last until the autumn and school starts. Abigail is still in bed. She fell asleep on the sofa quite early in the evening yesterday. At 10:30 last night she was still wide awake in her room. So at 10 this morning, she is still sound asleep. Her schedule is going to be completely messed up. Sorry Gill!

Social Networking

My name is LaDawn and I am a Facebook addict. And I'm not the only one!

My husband just doesn't get it. He can't see any inherent value in Facebook or any type of social networking tool. But remember this is a man who didn't remember to send his mother birthday cards. Ever. Until he married me.

I was frustrated when I joined Facebook only to realise that I had no friends. I remained friendless for a day and then realised I needed to take things into my own hands. I inivited all my friends and family. Some of them have joined. Some of them have embraced the services and made an effort on their profiles. Some have not. I suspect they don't get it either. Or they simply haven't made the time. Which is what it takes. Setting it up requires a bit of an effort.

But once it's there it just goes. Viral.

But I still here the question, "What's the point?" Well, it's about keeping in touch and supporting each other. Living is all about people. And your connection with them. I can't tell you how difficult it is to live 5,000 miles away from your family. And when you change jobs it is virtually impossible to keep in touch with former colleagues who you used to spend everyday work day with all day.

I have a former boss of mine, Kirk, who was fantastic to work with. He relocated from the UK to Australia back in December. I swore I would keep in touch with him. And even though I've got a blog and he's got a blog we still struggle to keep in touch with what is going on. I have so many colleagues that I worked with day and night for 12 years when I first graduated from university. We were ambitious and driven. We never took vacation. We worked hard together and played hard together. they were like a surrogate family. Do you know how many of them I am still in touch with? ONE! Tragic!

I do keep my networks separate. I use LinkedIn for my professional network. This includes people I've worked for, with and/or know in a professional setting only. I use Facebook for the other side of my life (woman, wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter)

Join me in my networks! It's a bit of an experiment but it can't hurt! And let's keep in touch!

Sara & Pippa

Sara went to school at St George's for his first 2 years. Sara is an American expatriate who was living here (with her parent's, of course). They returned to the USA (PA) in 2005. We've been missing them ever since.

Random Act of Kindness

HUGE THANKS to Clare & Michael Workman for the wonderful care package which arrived in the post today. It came at just the right moment!

I picked up Seb and Hetta, one of his school mates, at school. I dropped Hetta off at her home and picked up Abigail. We went home to pack our swimming kit for Seb's swim lesson. We walked in the door to discover that Bailey had diarrhea all over his cage and the floor just outside the cage. He had obviously worked very hard to avoid soiling his own bed but didn't seem to care one little bit about my pristine kitchen floor.

As I was cleaning the mess up, our neighbour, Simon, popped round with the package. He dropped it on the counter and left obviously disgusted with the smell!

I finished disinfecting the kitchen and got our swimming gear packed. Whilst I waited for Marc to arrive home I opened up this box to find Mac & Cheese, Goldfish crackers, instant iced tea and the creme de la creme - Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I sang for joy! I can't even begin to tell you how delightful this was.

Clare & Michael - You are simply the best! Can hardly wait for your visit in September!

Saturday Fun

Lucy is back. Seb's riding instructor went to another stable for a couple of months (basically since Christmas). He's had a couple other instructors during the interval but none of them quite connected with Seb the way Lucy did. Well, we don't have to worry about that anymore. Yesterday, they decided he needed a different pony so we are saying goodbye to Manny and welcoming Penny. Also, Lucy and he have agreed a goal for his first riding competition in September. He's excited. I'm nervous!

Our neighbour, Jill (the woman who used to own our house), Abigail, and I went to the fabric store to get our fabric for doing our sashing and borders for the quilt blocks we did last year. Jill's got totally different colours (pinks/blues/purples) than I do (burgundy/greens,/yellows) and it was fun getting lost in the fabric store hunting down the perfect matches. Jill and I both agreed that getting lost in a fabric store is almost as much fun as getting lost in a library!

I forgot in my book group post last week to Congratulate Maria & Martin (and India) on the birth of their gorgeous little boy, Finlay. Marc & I made dinner for them and took it round to their place. Marc actually did all the cooking. He makes this most wicked Prawns in Coconut Milk served with Ginger, Turmeric & Coriander Rice. It's an excellent meal to drop round to the home of sleepless parents. India, the big sister, the coping well with her new role of big sisterhood.

I went out last night with some girl friends. It is amazing how circles of friendship get formed and grow and intertwine. Keeley, Kate, Melissa, Amy and I all met at our NCT (National Childbirth Trust) birthing classes when we were pregnant with our first children. We bonded in the strangeness of being taught to pretend to write our names in the snow peeing standing up (fully clothed, of course, but no less humiliating given we are women, not men and had only known each other for about 6 hours). Vanessa joined our group when we met her in our water aerobics class and the birthing classes put on at the local hospital, which Marc & I went to to make sure the NCT had "nut and berried" us to death. We just wanted more than one perspective....but that's another post. Vanessa is also a midwife. A very good midwife. I do believe she has actually delivered a couple of our babies. I, for one, know, for sure, I felt better having access to her infinite birthing wisdom. And Adrienne met Keeley and Amy at the NCT classes they took with their second child. Adrienne, Keeley and I all live on the same road. We find our circles of life interact often.

The girls met up at a Greek restaurant, Anatayla , in Windsor. The food was great. There was lots of wine. And the entertainment was impressive. The belly dancer only managed to get Adrienne to her feet and she gave it a good go! Later in the evening after copious bottles of wine had been consumed we did get up and dance in between the tables. I find the whole dancing in restaurants thing odd. In Colorado you can't dance in a place that doesn't have a cabaret license. Typically only nightclubs have cabaret licenses. Nobody cares here. Kate told me to imagine I was in a miniature nightclub. With no men. That's right, there were very few men in the restaurant. and the ones that were there, weren't dancing! We had loads of fun and the taxi driver got a kick out of the fact that he dropped 3 of us back along the same street. Thanks to Amy for getting us all organised and booking the restaurant.

In our drunken stupor a few plans were made (short, medium and long): all the girls are going to go see Melissa perform in The Full Monty in the Old Windsor Memorial Hall in June, Adrienne, Kelley and I agreed to run the Windsor 8K in September (so now is the time to start training again), all the girls are going on a short break skiing in February 2008. I think there was more but my head is a bit heavy and my memory is a foggy.

I'm feeling a bit worse for wear but what a fabulous evening! I loved the giggles and Keeley is an amazing dance partner!

The Millichamps Have Landed

Sean, Helen, Sam & Lottie Millichamp came to visit us this weekend. I've known Helen for almost as long as I've been in the UK. We used to work together at Keane, back when it was called Icom Solutions. In the time we have known each other we have both gotten married and had 2 children each. And we have remained best friends. We have a lot in common. Our husbands run their own successful businesses. We have a twisted sense of humour. Our children are separated by just a year each. Sam is 4 and Lottie is 2.

We always have a great time when we get together. I can't imagine who I would rather spend New Year's Eve with! We trade off going to each others homes every couple months although the last couple times they've come to ours due to the dog. Bailey is now old enough though we can leave care f him to our neighbours so we will be able to visit them in Northampton soon!

One of the best family holidays we've ever had is when we rented a villa in Dordogne, France and spent the week exploring and eating fabulous food. Helen was pregnant with Lottie then. Now that the children have grown up a bit they pretty much keep themselves entertained and it is great to see them play together.

Yesterday they came for lunch. The weather is like July here so we ate outside on the patio and then went to the park. When the children were suitably satisfied that they were played out we went for a walk along the river and waved at everyone on the boats passing by. Then home for the children's dinner and Sara, our babysitter, came over so the adults could go out for a meal of delicious Sushi and far too many glasses of sake. This morning we had a big blueberry pancake breakfast (and my nanny's hash brown casserole!).

We are planning our summer holidays together. And a sailing weekend. Loads more great fun to be had......