6 Days

I love the time between Christmas and New Years. I always lose track of time. I never know what day of the week it is. We stay up late watching old films on television or DVD. We play with all the toys we've gotten and taken advantage of the empty mornings and afternoons to indulge in true leisure activities. We sleep in late and read our new books in bed. We stay in our pajamas as long as we can.

On Thursday we had lunch with Marc's Aunt Mary and Uncle John Marc's cousins, Simon and Nikki (and her husband, Kevin) joined us as did Mary's mum, Dorothy, and Mary's brother, Mike. There were 4 generations represented. Lunch was a buffet and there were more than 6 puddings to choose from including my favourite Queen of Puddings! I think I had seconds on the lunch buffet and thirds at the pudding buffet. The children played games with the adults including one never ending Neighbour Beggar card game between Seb and Simon. It was never clear to me who won the game of Frustration. As always it was a relaxing afternoon off for me. John makes a wicked gin and tonic!

On Friday we went to the cinema to see Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. The children had their own little boxes of popcorn and drinks and sat silently engrossed in the film. It was a fun and magical story although Dustin Hoffman's character got on my nerves towards the end. He seemed to be playing an older Rain Man. Natalie Portman was lovely but my favourite chracter was the little boy played by Zach Mills. He was fabulous!

Today we have a long walk planned through the Great Park. The sky is cloudless bright blue and the air is very crisp. We will need to bundle up but the fresh air will do us good!

PS In case you haven't noticed I received a fabulous digital SLR camera from Father Christmas and have been snap snapping away at about 80 photographs/day. Photobucket is loving me!

Motherhood Quotes

A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary."
- Dorothy Canfield Fisher


"Motherhood is like Albania-- you can't trust the descriptions in books, you just have to go there yourself."
- Marni Jackson


"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
-Mark Twain


"Being a mother is like taking your heart out of your chest and watching it walk around."
- Author Unknown


"There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one."
- Jill Churchill


"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
- Phyllis Diller


"Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at de sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground."
- Zora Neale Hurston


"A mother is someone who dreams great dreams for you, but then she lets you chase the dreams you have for yourself and loves you just the same."
- Author Unknown

Crackers

Here in the UK they have this quaint little tradition of Christmas crackers at the dinner table. These are not the crackers you eat with cheese. They call those biscuits. (Don't ask!)

Before you start eating dinner you pull open your cracker with your neighbour. They open with a bang (pop from a wee bit of explosive).

Inside you find a brightly coloured paper hat, a little plastic toy (unless you buy very expensive crackers), and a very corny joke.

Everyone puts on the hat for at least 1 minute. Some forget they put it on and wear it for the entire meal (Marc). I hate all the waste but my children love them and I've been warned that it just ain't Christmas without the crackers.

I've collected this year's jokes.

Why can't you play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.

What lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.

What do you call a musical fish?
A piano-tuna.

What are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with sore feet.

What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet.

And my personal favourite......drum roll please......

Where are the Andes?
At the end of you armies.

Ice Skating

We took the children ice skating for the very first time ever!

Wet Christmas

The heavens opened up and the rain poured down. While all you on the other side of the Atlantic (and no doubt other parts of the world) enjoyed a white Christmas, we here in the UK enjoyed a decidedly damp Christmas.

To be honest, we hardly noticed.

We had a glorious day and here's the evidence!

Excitement of Christmas Morning

I loved this article especially since my sister and I spoke on the phone at 5:50 this morning when I awoke and she was just getting ready for bed. I always awake before my children on Christmas morning.

Christmas Recipe

1/2 cup Hugs
2 tsp Kisses
3/4 cup Smiles
4 cups Love
1 cup Holiday Cheer
1/2 cup Peace on Earth
3 tsp Christmas Spirit
2 cups Goodwill Towards Men
1 sprig Mistletoe
1 medium size bag Christmas Snowflakes

Mix and Enjoy!

Best Wishes

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .

and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

Happy Birthday Abigail!

Four years ago this morning Abigail entered my life. It was not an easy day. It was both a great joy and the darkest day of my life.

Uncle John had pronounced in early December that he just knew this baby wasn't going to wait for 2004. I replied I just wanted to get through Christmas.

But that wasn't to be.

I had been waiting for her arrival since my waters had broken on 22 December. I hadn't gone into labour and on the evening of the 23 December 2003 the doctor told me I would have to have a c-section the next morning.

I was expecting this. Sebastian had been safely left with Uncle John and Auntie Mary and we knew Christmas would have to be put on hold.

The process had changed quite significantly since I had Sebastian just a few years earlier. The epidural was administered in the operating room and within a few minutes Abigail was delivered into my arms. She was gorgeous.

They took her to a side of the room and cleaned her up and delivered her back into my waiting arms. I was never going to let her go.

Unlike with Sebastian they did take me to a separate recovery room and I held on to Abigail for all my life in the recovery room. She took to my breast immediately and ate like a champion.

Marc and I were the beaming parents of a beautiful little angel.

Marc decided to leave me alone so he could go tell the world of waiting friends and family of our newest member. He needed to grab a bag from the car.

Whilst he was gone and midwife and doctor entered the room asking if Abigail had been grunting the entire time. I said yes. They frowned. I held her tighter.

The nurse pried her from my arms and examined her. Then the doctor examined her. Then they told me they needed to take her away. I said they needed to wait for my husband to return. They said they needed to take her now. I asked them to please wait. They said no. I couldn't move. I still couldn't feel my legs from the epidural.

Marc returned to find me wailing and without our daughter. They wheeled me into the Special Care Unit and there was my daughter in an incubator with little tubes. They let me hold her which wasn't an easy thing to do with all the tubes.

She was the most adorable little bundle you could possibly imagine.

We fought long and hard over the next 4 days to get the hospital to release her. She struggled to breastfeed but only because they were giving her glucose and they kept saying my milk hadn't come in. I very patiently explained it wasn't going to come in if they didn't let me feed her. I was pumping for England hoping my milk would come in. I would make the long walk and down 3 floors to feed her or attempt to feed her every 3 hours. I was drugged to the max on morphine so I felt very little pain but I was exhausted.

Then she got jaundice. Of course she got jaundice. She was locked up in a basement with no sunlight.

Marc and I entertained the idea of kidnapping our own baby from the hospital.

And then they released me from the hospital and told me to go home. Without her. My heart was being ripped out from my chest. I couldn't breath.

But my son needed me at home. He hadn't even got to have his Christmas. So I left.

I went home that night and Marc and I returned to the hospital every 3 hours for the feeding. I didn't want anyone but me holding her or changing her nappy or feeding her. The darkest depth of my misery was when Marc and I were returning home from our 3 am feeding and the nurses were complaining about Abigail's jaundice. I felt like they were never going to let me take her home. We'd been told every day tomorrow but tomorrow never seemed to come.

I felt like I had made a horrible mistake just letting the nurse take her from me that very first time. I should have never let her go.

At that precise moment, I fell into the deepest darkest black hole. I told Marc that maybe we should just leave her. Clearly, I couldn't take care of her and if we left her at the hospital there would surely be someone who could do a much better job.

Marc stopped the car in the middle of the road and held my face as I sobbed. He said there was no one who would love this baby as much as us and no one equipped to take as good of care as us. We would get that baby no matter what.

I got home and went to bed. Marc stayed up the entire morning never once going to bed. He researched jaundice inside and out (thank God for the internet) and by the time he roused me to return to the hospital for the next feeding he knew more about jaundice than the nurses at the hospital. His commitment to our wee little girl inspired me to fight on.

On the morning of 29 December the doctors had at last returned from their holidays and the first real doctor took one look at my daughter and said get this healthy baby out of here. I could have kissed that woman!

Today that little girl that we fought so hard for is 4 years old. She is a bursting bubbling mischievous cherub. She makes us laugh. She's clever. She loves to dance and sing. She's got an imagination to rival JRR Tolkein. She loves kisses and cuddles.

And we love her more than we could possibly ever imagined. I am so proud to have the honour of watching this little girl grow.

The Royal Channel

I love the way the Royal Family appears to adhere to tradition and still be a trend setter. Despite being saddled with ancient traditions and protocol, back in the late 1700s they were the first of British families to bring a Christmas tree indoors from the outdoors and decorate it lavishly. The Queen's crown includes 4 pearls from Queen Elizabeth I's crown. Now that is history.

But time doesn't stand still.

The Monarchy has launched The Royal Channel, their very own YouTube Channel. You can watch all the Christmas Day messages (including this year which will go up as soon as it is broadcast live).

Her Majesty is so hip!

Christmas Know Me

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping with lots of ribbons (really not very climate friendly)

2. Real or fake tree? Fake but only because dogs, children carpet & cats just don't mix with real trees!

3. When do you put up the tree? Dec 1

4. When do you take the tree down? Jan 2

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes.....the more rum the better

6. Favorite gift received as a child? cannot remember any gifts received as a child except a snuggle bag all 5 of us received. Mum must have found a bargain!

7. Hardest person to buy for? Anthony, my brother-in-law

8. Easiest person to buy for? Abigail....I can't stop myself!

9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Croqueted ear-warmers that looked more like nipple warmers. But, it is the thought that counted.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, hand addressed with personal message to everyone (otherwise what's the point?)

11. Favorite Christmas Movie? Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

12. When do you start shopping for Christmas? all year long

13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes but not anymore!

14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Prime Rib, popcorn balls

15. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Coloured, lots of them

16. Favorite Christmas song? Oh but there are so many....The Christmas Song (aka)Chestnuts
Roasting on an Open Fire, I Wonder as I Wander, Blue Christmas (Elvis), Do You Hear What I Hear, Over the River and Through the Woods (we used to sing this on the way home from Nanny's).......(My husband hates Christmas music!)

17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home

18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes + Rudolph

19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Used to be a star, then my son made an angel when he was in Nursery and that has taken pride of place for the last 4 years

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Miss opening pressies Christmas Eve with Nanny and my Dad's family but we started a new tradition a few years ago and give each other new pajamas on Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning we rip in with a vengeance

21. Most annoying thing about this time of year? So many ideas, so many parties, so much alcohol, so much great food, so little time, so close to New Year's resolutions.

22. What I love most about Christmas? Seeing the magic through the eyes of my kids, knowing that they believe in Santa (a large, bearded, old man who delivers presents to all the children in the world from a flying sleigh powered by reindeer all in one night). Blind Faith! I love it!

Early Christmas Present

Marc & I gave our family an early Christmas present last night when we took possession of our new family piano. New to us anyway. And not exactly a gift.

Sebastian had done so well at his piano recital I felt the dear boy deserved his very own piano. Running next door to squeeze in practice on the neighbour's piano was proving difficult. I was keen to ensure we didn't inconvenience anyone which isn't the easiest of things when you're trying to get a 6 year old to practice piano in between everything else he does.

We approached the music store with confidence. The music teacher had assured us that a keyboard was fine as long as the key were piano weighted. I thought 70 or so would be more than adequate. Ooooops!

We missed a zero. We went home.

We started where all discouraged stated: eBay. But even there the keyboards were was beyond our budget. And then I thought, hey, I know tons of people trying to get rid of pianos.

Proper pianos! Who in their right mind would spend loads of money for a keyboard (technically an inferior instrument in my twisted mind) when you get could a piano for free?

We scoured the classifieds and found the perfect piano. One of Marc's customers is a moving company and they agreed to pick it up on Friday afternoon and deliver it to our home.

This piano is nearly 90 years old and requires some tuning. It has been lovingly played despite being a bit dinged and scratched.

We moved it into the dining room and picked up the children at the child minder's. It took the children a while to discover it. But Sebastian's eyes lit up when he saw it.

He immediately sat down and started playing jingle bells. He was thrilled to have "his very own piano" and told us that this was a great present.

I love the sound of a child playing music in the home. And now that child is mine and it is my home. A great gift indeed! To us as much to him and Abigail!

Web 2.0 Bubble

The Next Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, 'You're not the boss of me'.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful maiden.

Along came a dashing young Knight and asked her to marry him

The beautiful maiden said "NO!"

And the beautiful maiden lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled, had many lovers, didn't save money and had all the hot water to herself.

She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin lacy underwear that went up her bum, had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled, and looked fabulous all the time.


The End

After You'd Gone by Maggie O'Farrell

This is the debut novel from Ms O'Farrell and I am stunned. It's not so much the story. That's fairly predictable.

Spoiler Alert! (Skip the next paragraph is you are going to read book)
Woman doesn't feel part of her family as a girl. Fights with mother as a teenager. Finally falls in love as a woman. Husband dies tragically. Woman mysteriously ends up in coma. Woman comes back from coma after estranged father-in-law appears at bedside.

So, it all seems like it would be sappy and syrupy. But it's not. What makes this book so extraordinary is the way the story is constructed. The author jumps back and forth across time and location but you never feel lost. I never once lost my place or struggled to figure out where I was.

I am hoping for more from this author. I hope as she finds her feet she writes with more depth. I want to know her characters more. Other than the Alice and her grieving I never quite understood the motivation of any of the characters actions. Why did Alice's mother, Ann, commit adultery? Continuously for over 30 years? Why did her husband put up with it? Who were her sisters? What did the father-in-law feel when his son chose his shiksa over a nice Jewish girl?

This is a quick and compelling read. It filled the niche in my reading requirements before I embark on next moth's book group selection. I recommend it if you don't want to have to think too hard.

Oprah Again

I've had my ups and downs with Oprah. Sometimes she gets it and sometimes she soooo doesn't.

In the December 2007 issues of her O Magazine, she finally lost it. I always am so hard on myself when I read or listen to Oprah go on about how to throw the perfect party or buy the perfect jeans. Oh sure, she can hire help and if I had her money I could spend hours and hours scouring the stores for the perfect fitting pair of jeans.

Frankly, I don't and I can't.
She always she seems to know things for sure. I don't. What I knew yesterday isn't always what I know today. My memory is failing.

In Oprah's What I Know For Sure column (the very last page of the magazine), Oprah had a melt down. Not a screaming hysterical melt down but certainly a I am juggling too many balls and I just dropped them all sort of meltdown.

I have these meltdowns all the time, most recently just a few days ago.

My heart hurt when I red about Sophie, Oprah's dog, struggling with her health and the loving tender care she lavished on her. But to see Oprah admit that it had all caught up with her and she was full up just proved to me everything is not all that it appears to be. Some of her things didn't get done. Her dog didn't die (thank goodness). She isn't having a lavish party at Christmas. She doesn't have a Martha Stewart Christmas planned. Even with all her "people" she is just struggling to keep her head above water.

Swim Oprah Swim!

Grief

Grief is a horrible emotion. You have no control over its power. It feels like a dark cold cloud of paralyzing vapour that invades your blood stream and courses through your body and mind at irregular intervals.

I remember when my grandmother died. After I had hung up the phone I walked outside into the cold of the February air and knelt down on the cold brick of my back patio. My entire body shook as a primitive shriek of loss escaped out of my mouth. I moaned from inconsolable pain and the tears fell unburdened down my cheeks, my neck and rested in the bowl of my clavicle.

I was there for a long time. My husband, my neighbours, my children stood on the outside of my grief looking in knowing they were powerless to take it away or to do anything to diminish its grip on me. Marc simply put a blanket over me and let me be. It was one of the most touching things he has ever done.

The next day we flew out of Heathrow to Denver. Marc took care of the children as I sat weak and bewildered in my assigned seat. Without warning and without grace the tears would drip out of my eyes despite my stoic instructions to stop.

Not until I got to Denver and I embraced my sister did I feel any strength return to my soul. Until that moment I was unsure of how I could possibly stand. But she took from me and I took from her and somehow we got strong enough to hold up my father.

There were many dark moments in those next few weeks and there are still many gray days even these years later.

My grandmother was old. She had lived a full rich life. She had left a legacy in her children, her grand children and her great grandchildren. She had done what she came to do. I found comfort in that.

Not everyone has that luxury. Many of my friends have lost a loved one during this holiday season. Some of those have not lived long enough to complete their legacy and the holes they leave in our lives are larger than others. There is nothing to do but stand on the outside with a blanket to cover them when they get cold.

In this moment, I believe WH Auden said it best:

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W. H. Auden

Dissertation Interview

Yesterday I was interviewed by a young woman from Algeria. She is working on her MBA in International Studies and her dissertation is about women leaders in business and the alleged glass ceiling.

I enjoyed doing the interview. It gave me an opportunity to think about my career and the choices I have made. It gave me some insight to the impact those decisions and those around me have had on my current career trajectory.

I don't know if I helped or hindered her. I don't know if I proved or disproved her theories.

I do know that my career has never been the same since having children. I also know that I am glad it isn't.

One Thing After Another

This morning was the first full day of school holidays and we didn't get off to a very good start.

Sebastian woke up complaining of excrutiating pain n his neck. He had obviously slept in a position which created a sever crick in his neck. He couldn't walk. He couldn't even get himself positioned properly to do a wee.

We gave him some children's ibuprofen and put a wheat sock warmed up in the microwave around his neck. He was clearly in no shape to go out especially since we couldn't even get him dressed.

So I took Abigail to the child minders. Because we were behind schedule and the child minder's children are still in school she wasn't there and we had to wait for her to get home.

By the time I got to work there were no parking spaces left and I had to park offsite and wait for the mini bus.

I had missed a meeting due to my late arrival and spent the rest of the day struggling to catch up. I stayed behind schedule, never did catch up, had to rescheudle a meeting for after my return and left the office in a bit of a rush to pick up Abigail and swap Sebastian from Marc to me so Marc could get some work done.

When we got home I realised that I had forgotten to pick up a package at the post office so off we went again. I drove into Windsor and tried to park behind the post office. A man there said no parking. I explained that I had a sick child and couldn't leave him in the car far from where I was. He was rude, told me he didn't care and just walked away.

I tried to park close by, got out of the car and ran into the office. After waiting in the queue they informed me that I had to queue in the main office around the front. I couldn't leave the children in the car that long and I burst into tears.

A very nice women seeing how distressed I was then volunteered to stand by my car and watch the children whilst I ran in. When I got into the post office the queue was out the door and down the road.

That was enough for me. I decided to call it a day.

I headed back to the car, thanked the lady who had shown me some kindness and the grace and patience to sit with my children, and went home.

I will just pick up the package tomorrow. Because I am now on holiday!