3 October was my Grandmother's birthday. Well, not exactly. Does a dead person still have a birthday? I can't send a card and I can't send them an email. There is no birthday cake or special supper.
But days like these are still marked in my calendar. I'm still electronically reminded by my online calendar that it was her birthday. Her name is written next to the date in my birthday card organiser.
Just like her phone number is still in my speed dial even though if I were to dial it I'm not sure if I would get someone else or one of those irritating voice recordings telling me that number is no longer in service. I've never actually tried to dial the number. Although I've nearly called her on a number of occasions. Until I remember she wouldn't be there to answer. She is on my list of webcam contacts. We used it only a few times before she died. But her names is still there. She is still listed in m y Skype contacts although I must say we never quite mastered that method of communication.
Her email address is still in my contact list and her home address is still in my phone book. Her name is still on my Christmas card and gift list.
I have a black cardigan that belonged to her and her dressing gown. I refuse to wash the dressing gown and I wore the cardigan today.
I received our Family Cookbook in the post a few weeks ago. I was so happy. And then I started reading it. I read all the wonderful recipes that Nanny had submitted previously and my heart broke when I realised she will not be making any future submissions.
I still miss her a bit every single day.