Gaping Void

If you've ever felt the conflict between your creative side and your sensible side, you will appreciate this. Pure Genius!

Not Exactly

Yesterday was a big quarterly event at work.

The management team that I work in sponsored the first event of the year with the intent of congratulating everyone on a job well done last year, setting our what we want to achieve this year and just having a bit of fun and getting to know each other.

The day went brilliantly. My colleagues are some of the best and the brightest and my team is the best in our company (I would say that, wouldn't I?).

I agreed to present FISH. Not the smelly kind. The inspirational kind.

If you don't know what I'm talking about click here.

I love the FISH! Philosophy. It goes hand in hand with my high energy, playful nature. But this isn't every one's style and it would be fair to say some of my more conservative, less American colleagues were cynical and suspicious!

I was nervous and scared to death. Please refer to the before or after posts for one of my previous speaking engagements. I am not naturally at ease in front of an audience. Fortunately, no one notices that I am shaking in my mind and I can act well enough to convince them this is a piece of cake.

I got right into it. At the end the audience was enthused and excited and engaged.

AHA! Mission Accomplished! I just wanted them to hear what I had to say and take it on board.

It's pretty simple. FISH has 4 Principles.
1. Play
2. Be There
3. Make Their Day (no firearms required)
4. Choose Your Attitude
That's it.

But the impact these very simple messages made was fabulous. Everyone took it on board whole heartedly. I was thrilled to bits. I thought success would look like 4 or 5 people thinking that yeah, this might be workable. But loads of people came up and said that it really had an impact on their way of thinking.

What I hadn't anticipated was a co worker taking it to heart so much that she has decided that she just can't do this job any more. She ain't having fun. She ain't enjoying it.

So today she decided that she needs to go and do something else. Some might think this is a failure. I don't think so.

You gotta do what you are passionate about. You might not love every minute of it but you gotta have passion, enthusiasm, drive. You gotta have enough to want to get out of bed every day and decide to do your very best, have a great day, and infect everyone around you with your buzz. Otherwise, why bother getting out of bed?

This colleague realised she just couldn't quite muster it. I applaud her courage to recognise this and to take the steps which will give her the opportunity to do something where she can find that enthusiasm. Hopefully, she's going to go on and find something that really lights her fire.

OK, so not exactly the result I was expecting but a good result nonetheless.

Now everyone else get fishing!

Office Prayer

I return to work tomorrow after 3 weeks off. Please bow your heads and think of me as I head off into the stress bowl of work.

Lord grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom
To hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also,
Help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today as they
May be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.

Dissertation Interview

Yesterday I was interviewed by a young woman from Algeria. She is working on her MBA in International Studies and her dissertation is about women leaders in business and the alleged glass ceiling.

I enjoyed doing the interview. It gave me an opportunity to think about my career and the choices I have made. It gave me some insight to the impact those decisions and those around me have had on my current career trajectory.

I don't know if I helped or hindered her. I don't know if I proved or disproved her theories.

I do know that my career has never been the same since having children. I also know that I am glad it isn't.

Spade a Spade

I've never been known to mince my words. And whilst everyone else is busy not talking about the elephant in the room, I am renowned the world over for speaking up loudly and clearly with "What about the elephant?"

This has gotten me into trouble on numerous occasions and more often than not has endeared me to others. I've had numerous managers tell me I shouldn't speak so freely and openly. It never stopped me. I've known acquaintances who have not become friends because they couldn't deal with my forthrightness.

At the end of day, a spade is a spade. I call it as I see it. People can count on me to give them my honest assessment.

Yesterday, I found out that the team I manage at work returned some of the highest scores in employee engagement in all of IS across our entire organisation. We scored first or second highest in all categories. I was thrilled to bits.

Employee Engagement measures an individual's satisfaction with their work and their manager, commitment to the organisation and general happiness with the work and their prospects for the future.

I'm not sure how much of our high scores has to do with me. I try to encourage an open and transparent environment. We have passionate debates and disagreements. We are all so different and every person brings different strengths to the team making us a powerful force to be reckoned with.

I trust them to continually strive to do their best and they trust me to have their backs. I make sure that we have as much fun as possible under what can be described as stressful, stifling and conflicting pressures. I hope they feel I take the heat for them. I stand up for them (even to senior management higher up the food chain than me).

I'd like to say thanks to my team for being the amazing team that they are. They give me their best and inspire me to do my best for them. They are all individual heroes who work together to create a superhero team and make an astonishing contribution to the value of our organisation.

I'm proud to work with them. I hope they are happy to work with me!

New Boss

I've got a new boss. It is the 4th new boss I've had in the space of 14 months but who's counting?

The top dog's first day was last week when I was in France. Bad luck, bad planning, bad karma - whatever!

The first day I was in France I got an email asking for a meeting with him the next day. I emailed back stating this wasn't possible and why, despite already telling him this on several previous occasions. We scheduled a get together for the day I returned.

I knew I would not be on my best form. I knew I would be cranky, tired, grumpy and generally not my usual charming self. I was worried.

I think it is so stressful to have a new boss. You've got to figure out who they are, how much or how little information they want/need. You've got to figure out if you trust them and if they trust you. You've got to figure out if you would follow them off a cliff or if they would throw themselves in front of a speeding train to protect you and your decisions.

So you dance. You build a relationship in a sometimes hostile environment. You try to assess what others think. You try to be not quick to judge but fast enough to not make any mistakes. You try to make sure he doesn't look like a fool to his boss which after all is what we're all trying to do.

You want to be noticed but for all the right reasons.

This is stressful.....and exhausting. I've been in the office at my normal silly o'clock every morning. Tonight I even stayed well past my witching hour of 3 pm to attend one of his meetings.

Marc helped my out by doing the school run which in itself is a bit of a nightmare this week. Sebastian is preparing for his first ballet recital which is scheduled for Thursday evening. He is the first and only boy to ever perform in a St George's School ballet recital. He has a duet with Amy which he has been practising since summer term last school year.

Tonight was a rehearsal from 5-6. So Marc had to pick Seb up at 3:40, pick up Abigail, take them home, change Seb's clothes into his ballet kit, supervise homework completion, feed the children and deliver Seb back to school before 5. I then picked up Seb at 6 and went home to clean since once again my cleaner didn't turn up - second week in a row and I am having a meltdown. Dinner will be grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for Marc and I!

Children now in bath tub then off to bed. I think I will follow shortly.....ah, just a few more emails! Gotta impress the new boss!

Cannes, France

I am off this morning (silly hour of 5 am) to catch a flight to Cannes, France. I know that might sound glamorous to some but it is for work. Oh, who am I kidding? I have been to lots of places for work conferences and I have to say this is probably one of the best places I go!

Every year, Gartner puts on an IT Symposium in Cannes, France. It's really the only investment (time & money) that I put into formal professional development. And it is actually my company's time & money although spending the night away from my children is a hardship.

OK, who am I kidding? It's nice to have a break!

Last year was the first year I had ever been. The project I had been working on had just been implemented and was wildly successful. It had been wildly stressful and all my holiday had been postponed. Once we were over the hump my boss knew I needed a break. So he gave me his ticket and sent me.

I didn't know what to expect and only knew one of the other employees of my company who was also going. And I didn't know him very well.

I got there on Sunday afternoon. The flight was a bit scary, not just for me but for the passenger sitting next to me. You see, I'm afraid to fly. I know how insane that sounds since I've been flying my entire adult life but I am. During the peak of my travelling days, the company I worked for sent me on a course to conquer the fear. I wouldn't say it conquered it but it did teach me how to cope with it.

But I don't fly as much as I did back then and for the last 8 years I've usually flown with my husband. This was my first trip on an airplane in 6 years without my husband. He usually sits next to me and wordlessly holds my hand as my fingernails dig into his hand and helps me count and breath - 2 coping mechanisms I learned in those classes. I panicked when I realised he wasn't next to me. By the time we got off the ground I needed a drink. So did the woman next to me. And first aid - her, not me.

Landing wasn't much better especially when I looked out the window and realised there was only water below me. I didn't know the Nice airport was out of over the water. Oh my god, I thought I was going to faint which is probably what my fellow passengers were hoping as the tears started to flow down my cheeks and I was hyperventilating. I couldn't get off that plane fast enough.

I was surprised at how beautiful the weather was. Of course it would be. I was thousands of miles south of grey, rainy England.

A bus took me from Nice to Cannes and dropped me off at my hotel which unfortunately was quite a ways from the conference centre. I got settled in and called home. Marc just giggled at the flying story.

I made my way to the conference centre to register and was handed the programme for the event. It was huge. I sat down and started going through the sessions on offer. It took me a good couple hours over lunch to do this and it didn't remotely resemble the agenda I had set for myself before leaving.

Sessions started that afternoon. Everyday, the first session of the morning was at 7:30 am and the last session of the evening started at 6:30 pm. They even had sessions over lunch. and the titles of them were so enticing. I wanted to see everything.

Then they had events nearly every night. One night one of my suppliers flew me by helicopter to Monaco for dinner and some gambling at the Casino Royal. I refer you back to my fear of flying above. I had confessed my fears to a colleague who had agreed to fly with me and lend me his arm, literally. But at the last minute a change in helicopter assignment meant I was on my own with complete strangers. In a professional capacity. As the helicopter took off I went pale as the blood drained from my face. I didn't say a word. The supplier still laughs at me.

Dinner was great and I played black jack at the casino. I went up 375 but then lost it all including my initial investment. Dang! I had vision of retiring.

We took a coach back to Cannes which whilst much longer than the helicopter ride was indeed far less frightening.

Another evening saw us entertained at one of the best restaurants in the Old Town of Cannes. The restaurant was packed and we had a great evening of laughter and wine consumption which didn't bode well for the early morning starts.

The last evening was a Cinema themed evening at the best hotel in Cannes. Every room in the hotel was decorated in a different movie theme. They had famous movie start look alikes wondering about. The best was the Keanu Reeves look a like who took to following me around the event.

My colleagues and I had been playing a swag game - that is whoever gets the best handouts from suppliers wins. I had done abysmally to date. On the last day one of the suppliers had given me VIP tickets to that evening's event. We weren't sure what it meant until we turned up.

We had tickets to a closed off area with the best food ever and free drinks all night. I definitely won the swag competition and got loads of street cred with my colleagues!

Quite a few more colleagues of mine are coming this year. I know them better than the ones from last year and I am sure we will have a great time. Please excuse me if I don't get a lot of blogging done although Gartner does a very good job of making sure that everyone is connected and even provides computers to do so.

Bon Voyage!

Choices

I read numerous blogs written by mums: stay at home mums, working mums, funny mums and frustrated mums.

It makes me fell less alone. It reminds me that we're all dealing with similar struggles. It reminds me that we all make compromises. It reminds me that someone always has it worse off than me. It reminds me that some are luckier than me. It never fails to make me laugh. Out loud. Belly rolling. It reminds me that we all love our children.

I blogged about my struggle to balance career and work. I just want to make one thing clear: I want to work. I like working. I would go absolutely insane if I didn't work.

I'm happy for everyone out there who have other arrangements as long as they are happy with those arrangements. But I don't want you thinking for one single minute that I've had this choice made for me due to financial circumstances or otherwise. I weighed up the options. I played out the scenarios. I made my choice.

I know some stay at home mums who are regretting their decision to take a break in their careers cause it ain't something you get back easily. Even my 1 year off for Abigail's first year nearly ended my career with my current company. And the 6 months I took off to have Sebastian lost me my job despite protection from the law.

No, I work because I enjoy my career. Because working makes me a better person which in turn makes me a better mother.

My children are happy. They are confident. They are socially successful.

My working hasn't done them a dang bit of harm.

I know numerous women who have made the same choice. They feel judged by stay at home mums. They feel judged by men whose wives stay at home.

Stop! We each do what works for us.

And to all of you stay at home dads working to undo the gender stereotypes of generations:

Keep up the Great Work!

When I Was 18

What was I thinking?

At 18 I was in love with a boy named Troy. I thought I would marry him and have a couple children. I thought I would love him forever and he me.

And then he broke my heart. And then I wasn't in love. And I was never going to get married and I sure as heck wasn't going to have children. Ever.

I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up and most tragically, I wasn't even sure what my options were or what path I would take get anything I wanted. I knew that if I wanted something I was going to have to do this myself.

I wanted to make my father proud and I wanted to prove to my mother that I was capable of supporting myself regardless of the tidiness of my bedroom.

I spent the next few years trying desperately to figure all of it out. I tried on different personalities. I learned about far away people and places. And then I wanted to see the world. And I figured out what I was good at. And then I focused.

I was about 22 years old before it all came together career wise largely because I had control over that. I knew where I wanted to go and had knowledge of the framework I needed to get me there along with a reasonable time frame.

But I had no idea and no control over the relationship and family aspects of my life. I knew I didn't want to spend a fortune on my education and then be unable to reap the benefits if I got sidetracked on to the mummy track. At 18, I didn't even consider the insertion of children into the equation. And I couldn't find a man I wanted to marry and wanted to marry me.

Marc and my children were a happy accident. Completely unplanned and whilst I have altered my career plan slightly, I'd do it all over exactly the same way. And in a round about way my reality turned out very similar to my vision. But the road I took to get here was completely different than planned.

Melt Down

Yesterday I had a major meltdown.

I had a mental and emotionally exhausting day at the office. I got home and just simply didn't have the energy to give anything to anyone. I had a wave of panic as I realised that not only did I not know what I was going to make for dinner, I had not motivation to figure it out. Handing my children a packet of crisps (potato chips) to postpone the inevitable pangs of hunger was not one of my proudest mothering moments.

I felt like I had nothing left to give. To anyone. I cried. For about 4 hours.

The children got grilled cheese sandwiches. I took a long hot bath, read a book for several hours and went to bed.

This morning I awoke and realised the sun had risen in the east. Dang.

I feel better today. I'm still grumpy. Let's see what the sun does tomorrow morning.

Flex Working

As the river near my home rises and the news reports warn of an impending surge due to arrive in the next 24-48 hours, I am testing the limits of flexible working.

My employer supports flexible working. Which is good for me. I start work early in the morning. I leave the office by 3 pm so I can do the school run. I have all the kit I need to work from home. So if the children are sick I can tuck them safely into bed and get busy. I can start work at an ungodly hour in the morning before the children are up and get the last of the email ticked off as read after they've gone to bed. And I get to spend those crucial after school hours with them to hear about their day, help with homework, get a home cooked nutritious meal on the table (most days), and participate in the bath/bed routine (well, actually my husband does that last bit but I'm on call if assistance is required).

In the past I've been able to manage 1 day/week from home but over the last couple months my schedule has prevented me from doing this. I've felt that if I had meetings in the office I would prefer to go into the office, especially since I work only 8 miles from where I live. Lately it has been the rare occasion that I have had no meetings so I've just gone into the office.

Upon my arrival at the office on Monday morning I received a phone call from the Environment Agency alerting me to the risk of flooding to my home. After ensuring that I had business continuity in place for the people who work for me, I went to my next meeting.

This was my performance appraisal scheduled with my boss. He could tell my mind wasn't in the game. He's typically not all that intuitive but it was hard to miss the signs of my hyperventilation. We agreed to reschedule so I could get home and make everything safe. I was most concerned about my "eat everything in sight" dog who was locked up in his cage in the kitchen.

I secured my property, checked out the river level, formed an evacuation plan with my child minder, caught up with the news and then set about setting up my home office.

And I've been working from there ever since. Clearly, some meetings can only be held face-to-face. I've rescheduled those for next week. But the majority of my meetings I've just dialed into. Surprisingly they have been effective and other than sporadically reminding my colleagues to speak up, we are working flexibly.

I've got one of the most geographical dispersed teams in the company. My team members work in Devon, Bournemouth, Manchester & Scotland. My boss wasn't so keen on this. He thought people that far away worked less effectively or maybe just worked less. I didn't get this and persisted in my conviction that my team were a bunch of rock stars that could set an example for the rest of the organisation.

And so we have. My business continuity plan was extremely robust strictly because we didn't all live near the flood zones. Those of us who live nearby were supported by those who didn't. Which is exactly what we needed!

I'll be watching the river rise over the next couple of days.....and working to the best of my abilities! From Home!

Parenting Skills

Why do we not value parenting skills? Brazen Careerist, a blog by Penelope Trunk, is a blog I try to read every day. Some of it is aimed at the 18-25 demographic and wholly irrelevant to me but I read it anyway. I do hire people in that demographic so I like to get her perspective on things.

She is struggling with her marriage. And blogged about it. See I'm not the only blogger that blogs about everything.

She just wrote a post about Stay-At-Home Dads and how they struggle, particularly with keeping their business connections and skill up to date. But what I don't get is why we don't value the skills of parents?

When you become a parent, there is no training and the on-the-job training is sort of the deep end kind of training. You can read all the books in the world but who's got the time when you are in the middle of the battle. That's like becoming a firefighter and the first day of training you are sent to a fire. Then in the middle of fighting the blaze, hand the firefighter a book and say read about how to put out this fire.

Parents have loads of skills that are of value in the workplace. Penelope isn't good with details but her husband is. That's why he packs a better lunch box. But surely that carries over into the workplace. He is probably a very conscientious detail oriented worker. She perhaps is not. I know that is true in my family.

I always put notes in my son's packed lunch. My husband considers it a waste of time (especially when I did it before he could read). My husband is not a people person and has a very low empathy quotient. That's why he works for himself. Alone. And doesn't manage any people. I do. Lots. And I'm good at it. Although I don't put notes in their lunch box.

My sister asked me the other day why do people always say fat and dumb together? Just because you put on a couple extra pounds (or more) doesn't mean I've had a frontal lobotomy. Similarly, just because I became a mother, I didn't suddenly become unskilled. I didn't forget everything I've learned or been taught. And more often than not, my professional skills help me be a better parent and my parenting skills help me be a better professional.

Ambassadors

During my career I've witnessed a few thousand presentations I reckon. Some have been great. Others have been dire. But one was so bad it deserves special mention.

The man was the last presenter of the conference. This should have been the creme de la creme. It was late in the day on the last day of the conference. Keeping the attention of an audience at this time is difficult enough. And usually a sensible event organiser ensures this slot is allocated to a hot topic with a white hot presenter! Not this time. The topic seemed compelling enough. But the presenter just wasn't up to it. Not only did he not seem up to the task, he didn't seem to care.

He started his presentation by pointing out that the organisation he works for has recently (like in the last week) undergone some fundamental changes and a new operating model. He told us that this meant that everything in his presentation was completely irrelevant but he was going to go ahead and present it. Hmmmm, I thought, this is a bit odd. He's just told me he is going to waste my time. Should I leave?

The speaker continued to take jabs at his organisation throughout his entire time slot. He was clearly an unhappy bunny. And he was going to let all of us know about it.

At one point, he picked up his glass of water to take a drink, put it back down and proceeded to stare off into space. After a few moments he recovered and admitted out loud that he had completely checked out and seem surprised to find himself standing in front of all of us. "Ah, yes, I was miles away. Where was I was?" he mused.

I watched this continue for about 20 minutes. The audience was looking around at each other in disbelief. One of my colleagues across my table kept looking at me and bursting into silent laughter.

Alas, I could take it no more. I packed up my bag and left. And I took with me a very bad taste in my mouth for his organisation.

Besides making an idiot of himself, he also made a mockery of the organisation he works for. Now, I'm not sure who in his organisation even knew he was speaking. If they did, I doubt they gave it a second thought. But I can guarantee I won't ever consider a job with them. EVER!

I think a lot of managers forget that when people speak at conferences they are ambassadors of that company. They represent our brand and the values those brands stand for. These are advertising moments. Advertising for our products/services and advertising for recruitment. I have subsequently seen numerous vacancies posted for the company and I just laugh.

And he won't be getting an invite to join my professional network!

Great Job

I don't want to boast.....but oh heck, yes I do!

I work for a good company with a great group of people doing a challenging and rewarding job. It's not what I planned for myself when I was in university but a lot of my life hasn't turned out exactly as planned and that's fine because I don't think my plan was all that great to begin with!

In a bid not to get myself fired I am diligent in not citing specific corporate references. All bloggers have heard the stories about the flight attendants who got fired after trashing their employers online and then giving away the company identity. Not good public relations and corporations don't look to kindly on that type of behaviour.

So I won't risk my job and give it away. If you are one of my colleagues and you're reading this (and I know there's lots of you!), you'll have a bit more insight. Please respect the confidential nature of the blog.

The company is a big UK employer with over 30,000 employees worldwide. We operate in the UK, North America, Africa and mainland Europe including Scandinavia (which some consider Europe and others don't). I've worked for them for over 5 years and always struggled to find a match between my skills and their corporate culture.

I've been a Project Manager for the last 14 years or so. My specialty has developed into going into projects that have gone off the rails and getting them back on course. I tired of that a few years ago and have been desperate to get out of project management. It can beat a person down to always be picking up someone else's steaming pile of poo. Team morale tends to be quite low and the stakeholders are pissed off and everyone hates you before you've even started. A person can only do that for so long. OK, they payoff is great once you've sorted it and got it back on track, especially when the project actually gets implemented. But by then people tend to be embarrassed that it took so long or spent so much money and don't even want to celebrate. And then I move on to another pile poo.

But for the very first time ever, I've got a permanent team with real objectives. I've got a great boss (well, best as can be expected really) and he's now been my boss for almost 9 months. This is a record since in the past I've had 10 bosses in the past 5 years! 4 of those I had during 1 year whilst I was on maternity leave. He knew when he took me into this role that I didn't have all the skills required. He has quietly mentored me (ok, not so quietly at all). Our styles tend to be well suited to each other. He gives me a hard time and I take it and I give him a hard time and he takes it.

And I've got a great team of people who work for me. That's them in the picture on the left (with only a few people missing). These people are so dedicated and clever. They work days (and nights) on end to solve problems. They balance on the edge of the technology curve in a company that has never been even near the technology curve. What we do has the power to absolutely transform the way we do business internally with each other and externally with our customers. They believe in the vision and want to be a part of the execution. We all went on a day out on Wednesday last week to a theme park (Thorpe Park). We rode the roller coasters and water slides and got our adrenaline pumping. Boy, they don't make them like they used to. There was one called Stealth which basically does 0-80 in 2.3 seconds straight up then straight down. Literally. It is raw thrill seeking. I couldn't believe I did it. And doing ti with the team was a great adventure!

I also work with a team of colleagues that are also pretty amazing. They are clever and supportive. They inspire me to be better than I am. And are patient when we don't see eye to eye.

It has been a rare occurrence in my professional career that I've had the opportunity to believe in the work I do and the people I do it with. Sure the stress levels are off the chart at the moment. Everyone wants a piece of me, my team and our time. But that just means we are doing something right. And the right people are doing it! It's all about the people!

What is a Braided Career?

No, it is not a new hairstyle....whatcha think about this?

Good advice not just for graduates......

Children in the Workplace

This week is half-term for school children. And my childminder took a week of holiday and went to Turkey with her family with a weeks notice. So, Marc & I are trying to juggle child care and work.

Yesterday I solved the problem of having meetings in the morning by taking Sebastian to my office with me. We packed up his little Power Rangers backpack with his Nintendo DS Lite and some games, some coloured pencils and some puzzle books. We dressed him in a smart looking shirt (blue button down) and chinos - the corporate uniform. We combed his hair so that it was flat.

On the drive to the office you could feel his excitement buzzing out of the back seat. Wish I felt that excited about going to work every day. We went through the "Behaviour Drill". These are the rules of best behaviour:

1. Remember to say please and thank you.
2. Use your inside voice.
3. Shake people's hand when you meet them.
4. Speak clearly and look people in the eye when they talk with you.
5. No running around like a crazy maniac.

I was just hoping for adherence to number 5. Although I would like to do that some days at the office.

He walked across the parking lot holding my hand. He was very impressed with the lift (elevator). He got to press the required button for my floor. He liked the idea of my security card access and thought we should put those on all the doors at home. He was super impressed with my desk. I was just impressed to have a desk that day.

My first meeting was just at my desk with one other person and Sebastian was happy to play with his Nintendo next to me. My next meeting was in a conference room with 10 other people. When we walked into the meeting room, Sebastian turned red and collapsed behind my chair. He was scared to death. I suddenly viewed the situation through the eyes of a 5 year old.

There were 9 big (tall) people (all men, not unusual in my company) looking very serious and self-important dressed in shirts and ties. Not a smile among them. No one was happy to be there.

I quickly got out his coloured pencils, grabbed some flip chart paper and sat on the floor with him. The meeting started and Sebastian sat on the floor happily drawing what he later described as a cowboy bear. He didn't interrupt once. Never said a word. And I conducted the meeting sitting on the floor. Whole new perspective!

I went to the next meeting with just 3 of my colleagues. One of my colleagues brought Sebastian some apple juice. Another colleagues gave him a chair and a place at the table. He drew for the next hour whilst we merrily conducted our business. Occasionally, one of my colleagues would shown an interest in what he was doing and he would politely (if a bit slowly)describe what he was drawing. Then he would carry on. And so would we.

The highlight of my day was when we went to lunch together in our canteen (cafeteria). Sebastian made friends with the cafeteria staff and he got some chips (french fries). I got a sandwich and some crisps (potato chips). We got our drinks. He showed me where the ketchup was. I never knew before!

And then we sat a chatted about the day so far. I never do that. I very rarely even break for lunch. Oh, I know everything I read says I should but quite frankly, there are a lot of things I should do every day that I don't. Like floss. Sitting there with my son and sharing his perspective on his morning in my office was exhilarating. He said I talk to a lot of people. And I sound really clever. He said it looks like I work really hard.

Mostly, I was just proud of him beyond belief. Today, I've gotten voicemail and email from colleagues who met him yesterday telling me what an extraordinary individual he his and how happy they were to meet him. Well, duh! What did you expect?

I think we should all take our children into the office with us periodically. Let them see what this place is that demands so much time and attention away from them. After my father retired from horse racing he drove a long haul truck. He delivered swinging beef from Denver to Chicago. Not sure what came back in the trailer. He took me with him once. I never realised how hard he worked til then.

But it was a dangerous job. Trucks are involved in horrific road traffic accidents. He was in one once where 3 teenagers died. He got mugged at gun point once in Chicago. Truck stops were full of dodgy characters and he didn't want to take me to the men's room and he didn't want me to go to the ladies on my own. I was angry with him for only letting me go with him only once. He took my brothers with him much more often. But he could take them into the men's room with him he said. I didn't get that then. I soooo get that now.

Luckily, my job is not dangerous, although those 9 men in the conference room certainly left Seb with the impression that it might be. Take your children (or someone else's) to work with you. Show them what you do. They will enrich your day!

The Job I Learned the Most From

Going to university was about a whole bunch more than academics. Not least because I had to work to pay my bills as well as study and go to class. But also because it is the time when I figured out who I was (apart from my parent's expectations) and what I wanted out of life (apart from spending the entire winter skiing).

Unemployed and feeling a bit despondent, I wondered one evening into my favourite jazz club in Denver. This club is located in lower downtown Denver. This was before the Colorado Rockies came to town, before Coors field was built for them to play in and before the gentrification of this area made it the coolest place to be. Back then (1986) this was probably one of the scariest place to be in the Denver. The buildings were old abandoned warehouses with all the windows broken. Those same warehouses are now the most sought after loft living spaces.

Jerry, the owner, was complaining that his wife was doing the waitressing. In a moment a weakness, I volunteered to help. He said "Great, can you start now?" I'd never waitressed a day in my life unless you count my stint at Wendy's when I was 16 which you can't. But, I thought how hard can it be?

Hard.....dang hard! That night I left the bar at 2:30 am, went to my car, and drove myself home. I returned the next night to find police tape all over the place. Apparently, the trumpet player from the band had been murdered, had his lips cut off and his ears sliced off. They found him in the dumpster in the alleyway behind the dumpster. But it didn't scare me. I needed the job. I needed the money.

The way it worked was, Jerry gave my $20 when I reported to work which I used as my bank. I paid for drinks out of that and collected the money from the customers. Anything I still had in my hand at the end of the night was all mine. I typically had about $80 in my pocket at the end of the night.

I worked Sunday through Thursday nights. On Sundays I started at 7 pm and we closed at midnight. The rest of the week I started at 8 pm and we closed at 2 am. I would be up at 7 am to get to my classes by 8:30. There were about 20 bar stools and 8 tables in the bar part (where the band played). There was a small restaurant serving Mexican food (some of the best green chili in the world!) with about another 8 tables. You couldn't hear the band so well from there but there was a pool table in the middle of the room and lots of customers just came to play pool.
The bartender got the tips from the bar stools. I got the tables in the bar and the restaurant and everyone standing in the aisle. I studied during slow nights (which weren't many) but what I learned from this job had little or nothing to do with my books.

If I called in sick, there was no one to do the job. Jerry had 3 waitresses. 2 of them worked Friday and Saturday nights but had other jobs during my nights. Jerry and his wife had a little girl so the child would have to sit in the restaurant if his wife needed to cover for someone. Only one night in 18 months did I miss work. And I didn't get paid. I never took any vacation.

All types of people, famous and barely hanging on. The biggest tip I ever got was $100 from Tom Petty. Famous people frequently popped in after a gig if they were playing in town. Nobody took a second look or gave them any special treatment. If the tables were full, they stood like everyone else. We had regulars and people on first dates. People in rags and people in ball gowns and dinner jackets. This place was riddled in history. Allegedly, it was a speak easy during Prohibition. We served 5 types of beer in the bottle: Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light, and Miller Genuine Draft. If you wanted a fancy micro brew, you would have to go someplace else. I never had to break up a fight there although one night a gang did throw a molotov cocktail through the front window of the restaurant. There are bars on that window
now and no one was hurt. I did learn to play a mean game of pool. I'm afraid I'm a bit rusty now but in my day......bit of a shark, I reckon!

I hustled. If it was a slow night, I got to talk to the band or the customers but if it was busy, I worked my butt off. I was the ONLY waitress. There was a very direct correlation between how quickly you take some body's order and deliver their drinks and the tips you get. Of course, there are some idiots out there thinking I could make beer appear out of thin air and they were too tight to tip but to be honest, this very rarely happened. When it did, it was the last round of drinks they got that night. Action/Consequence in action!

I got offered an amazing job with a software consultancy after 18 months working at the bar. One of the VPs at the company was a professor's wife. They gave me an internship and I worked for them for 12 years. I learned a lot there but I learned more at the bar.

Window Closed

When my son was six months old, I returned to work (at the time this was the maximum time allowed in the UK; this has since been increased to 1 year). I would have preferred to stay at home and nuzzle with my little man, but I am 10 years older than my husband. And I am the primary wage earner. And my wee little man was weeing and pooing and spitting all over me and I needed a break. My brain, although full of love for my offspring, was turning to mush.

I returned to work as an international software consultant (without the flexibility to travel; I was still breastfeeding, you see). After 2 weeks they made me redundant. In the USA, this is call being laid off. In the USA, they probably would have fired me. They can do that a whole lot easier there than they can here.

I was devastated. I phoned my husband in a wild manic state of panic. I had a family, a mortgage, a baby and NO job. I was the primary wage earner. OK, so I hated the company I worked for previously and most of the management were completely incompetent (not Mick, if he is reading this!) and didn't really connect with any of the people who worked there (except for Helen - she's my best mate now!). I loved the work and most of our clients (excluding BA!) but I knew in my heart this wasn't the place for me.

But I had a child depending on me. I had a husband depending on me. And I had no job! I cried. I screamed. I cried. I cried. For about 2 days straight I cried. One well meaning family member, advised me that I could get a temporary position as a secretary maybe. I don't think they understand what I do for as a career.

This was a watershed moment for me. I had worked for this last company only about 4 1/2 years. I had worked at my previous job for 12 years and I had left them. On my terms. How dare they toss me aside so casually, after all I'd done for them? After all I'd sacrificed for them? Well, not any more, I vowed.

The man that is my husband today (we were together but not married then), stepped in and calmed me down when he felt I had done sufficient venting that he thought he might now avoid being physically abused if he gave me advice. This is one of the things he does best, knowing when to butt in. We calmly made a plan. This is what I do best.

We decided this was a good opportunity to explore several options. We looked at opening a franchise, starting our own business, moving abroad. This showed me all the possibilities. And then we started the research. We met with franchisers. We wrote business plans. I spoke to some head hunters. Marc looked into emigrating to Australia. I looked at running away to Fiji. We both looked at yachts.

We found a franchise that looked promising. And started the negotiation. And then the company I work for currently offered me a job. It was an offer I couldn't refuse that gave my family the security I desired. But the franchise deal was also a good opportunity. So we decided that my husband would do the franchise.

The franchise didn't work out. We didn't lose money but we didn't make much either. It never quite hit our revenue projections and we certainly never came close to buying a yacht. However, it did lead him to discover a gap in another market (Virtual IT Company for small businesses/home users) and he plunged into that business plan. It's working out. The business has its ups and downs, just my job does. My job gives us security and stability, which I need. His job gives us flexibility and a dream for the future, which the family and he needs.

When I lost my job I thought the world ended. Right now, I've got a few family members and friends who are facing this difficult journey. I know how dark that tunnel looks when you are entering it. I am on the other side. I've got the flashlight (torch) spotlight, beam.....whatever you need to help you get to the other side. Use LinkedIn. If you are not part of my professional network, you should be! I've got over 1,046 new connections since May 1. Ask for help! And there is a light.....the world is not ending....a door will open.....your shoulders can take the weight.....and all those other cliches that just don't seem to help much when you're in the throes of a crisis!