New Dads

I read an article in a newspaper (I think it was The Telegraph) a while back about how there is a new generation of dads emerging. These new kind of dads do the dishes, hoover the carpet, make dinner. In fact some even go so far as to be the primary care giver whilst mum goes out to earn the wage. Well goody for them. What do they want, a medal?

Women have been doing these jobs for ages and they certainly haven’t won any medals. In fact the press largely ignores their ongoing selfless contribution to raising the next generation of adults. But boy golly, a dad lends a hand to the running of a house and it is worth a feature article. Give me a break.

Let me tell you about the next generation of dads as I observe it.

1. Do Over Dad. This is the dad that has decided he isn’t quite happy with the wife and family he made the first time so he has decided to abandon them and do it all over again with a new woman and new children. This dad rarely visits his first children. If he does, it rarely ends in a satisfactory outcome for the children and the now single mother is left wiping the tears of children disappointed when these dads don’t turn up at their football matches or music concerts or dramatic performances. This dad is never around when they are sick or have nightmares in the middle of the night. The dad prefers to pretend that the first family never happened.

2. Absent Dad. This is the dad that left. And never came back. Ever.

3. Career Dad. This is the dad so obsessed with himself and his career that he never or rarely makes it home to have dinner with his children. He rarely, if ever, attends school meetings with the teacher because the only value he imagines himself as having is earning more money or getting an outstanding performance appraisal from his boss who would quite frankly make him redundant with the nod of a head if it was between him or the dad. He’s fooling himself and leaving his children feeling abandoned.

4. Late Again Dad. This is the dad who never makes it in time to anything. He misses the first half of the birthday party because he wanted to watch the last half of the football match on television or finish his pint at the pub. The message this dad sends to his children is that the time he spends away from his children is worth more to him than the time he spends with his children.

5. Mobile Device Dad. This is the dad that is there in body but absent in mind. He stands apart from the group of parents whilst fast and furiously typing away on his blackberry/iPhone/mobile device of choice. He is so self important he can’t be bothered to engage with anyone. He takes phone calls or replies to emails during dinner or a rainy Saturday at the cinema.

So maybe there is an increase of dads more fully engaged in family life. But I would argue there is a larger group of dads less engaged in family life who are abdicating responsibility for their family to their wife/partner whilst pursuing a self serving agenda.

Let me just say before everyone spams the heck out of my comments, there are a lot of great dads out there. My husband is way more engaged in our children’s lives than my father ever was. He used to do the majority of nappy changes (I have a weak gag reflux – that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). He does way more of the bath time than I do since I once read an article that children get better academic results if they are given bath time by their dad (I made him read it and have been using it ever since.) My husband has been known to make a wicked lasagna. It is fair to say that we don’t have a traditional divide of household duties in our home just like many of you out there.

And to be fair there ain’t nothing wrong with the traditional divide if that suits each skill set. Whilst my husband can just about manage to cook a meal, he can’t plan a a weekly meal schedule or do the grocery shopping (without wildly exceeding our budget), and trust me when he’s done every dish in the kitchen is dirty so I don’t let him do it very often.

What I couldn’t abide was this self congratulating attitude in the article that dads were doing so much better than they used. Looking round, that’s not what I see. Unless we have ridiculously low expectations of the men among us. And I know that can’t be true. Or maybe it is if you read The Telegraph.

Immensely Interesting

Read This!

Omaha, NE

Is everyone in Omaha present and accounted for?

Colfax Avenue

One of the things I miss most about living in the USA is getting a copy of the Sunday New York Times delivered to my home. I used to spend an entire week sorting my way through the vast volumes of news the paper delivered.

When I moved to the UK, I looked into getting the paper delivered to me here. The cost was exorbitant and I wouldn't have received the paper until midweek. Both reasons proved enough to prevent me from doing so. With the advances in the digital world and the internet I used to subscribe to the paper online but this was back in the days when I had to pay for the service and the download time made it an excrutiatingly painful process.

How much this has all changed! New York Times abridiged edition delivered to my hotmail account every day. Free!

This means I catch up on the news from my hotmail account in short spurts equivalent to reading the headlines without any of the annoying adverts.

Imagine my surprise when I found that my beloved Colfax Avenue in Colorado had made it to the headlines. I blogged about this infamous stretch of road in two different blog posts: one about my Hardest Job and one about my First Job both of which were located at two differnt locations but both on Colfax Avenue. Nice to read somethings never change and everything changes.

Fabric

In 1992 I found myself living in Germany and the civil servants were striking. I didn't know exactly what that meant to me personally. Until the very fabric of daily life began to break down. The first place I felt the impact was our lack of post (mail). But hey, I didn't care - at first. I received no bills - wahoo! And then I received no letters from home. OK, that wasn't so good.

Then the tram drivers weren't driving. But I had a boyfriend with a car so he could drop me off at the office. But with the trams off the traffic on the roads was horrendous and what should have been a 15 minute journey turned into an hour. It was faster to walk which I would have done if not for the relentless rain of Dusseldorf.

Then catastrophe. The rubbish wasn't being picked up. We were very careful about our household waste and tried to seriously limit ourselves. But then we went into the Altstadt to do our shopping in the town centre market (where you go to buy all fresh fruit and veg) for the week). There was a heap of rubbish off to the side.

It smelled bad. Very bad. And the rats had moved in. They thought they had hit pay dirt! Literally.

The strikes lasted for 2 weeks. It was bedlam. And I have always been amazed at how quickly the fabric of civilised society started to break down.

The Royal Mail (the company owned by the government who delivers the post) is trying to modernise under the intense of competition of email and private courier companies. The postal workers (eg post men) want to secure their pensions.

To me it appears to be a breakdown of communication: you won't have a job or a pension because the company will go bankrupt if we don't make these changes.

The postal workers have gone on strike. Last month we had 2 days of official industrial action (strike). During that time, loads of mail went missing and was never delivered. Small business who rely on regular cash flow were paralyzed and in many cases went bust.

This week we've had a further 2 days of official action and 2 days of unofficial. Over the last 7 days, we've received 5 pieces of post. Normally, we receive twice that every day.

I kept telling myself at least it was just the postal workers. Not to worry.

Then on the way to work I heard the most extraordinary news story. Over the last few months the theft of metal has increased dramatically. What is metal theft?

Apparently, unsavoury, dishonest and greedy individuals steel everything from road signs to manhole covers to bus station frameworks to copper piping in hospices to aluminum flower holders at gravesides. Everything is melted down and sold to satisfy the demand for metal at an increasing price.

Oh, why do I feel like the very fabric of society is breaking down around me?

An Amazing Story of Survival

This is an amazing story of one woman's strength and a rather sad tale about the failure of police to search for her because they thought her husband had harmed her.

Why is it so much easier to believe bad stuff? And why does the criminal justice system assume the worst first?

Foot and Mouth Outbreak

As if the flooding this summer wasn't bad enough we are now in the protection/exclusion zone for the foot and mouth disease. This Google search shows the extent of the infection.

Egham is the village next to ours. All events in the Windsor Great Park have been canceled including the carriage driving championships and the upcoming Running 4 Women 8K and half marathon. They have already culled several herds of cattle and pigs. The impact to the local economy is severe especially since the floods already destroyed many crops in the UK.

Our movements are rigorously restricted so there are no horseback riding lessons for Seb this weekend and we have to be careful where we go walking with Bailey.

Thought Provoking

And a really fascinating and frightening article about why the least expensive food in the supermarket tends to be the foods which are making the most significant contribution to the obesity problem. At last, I just need to spend more money on my food! I can feel the weight dropping off me as my bank account empties. Are they serious?

Daily Gun Deaths

This New York Times article examines daily deaths by gunfire in the USA. Very interesting!

Counting Blessings

This house is just a few doors down from my mother's house.

Exploding House

PS My mother is Linda Wolbrink.

Gun Control

Amendment 2 of the US Constitution states:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Many Americans have interpreted this to mean that everyone who so desires can own a gun. And use it. And tragedy ensues.

Virginia Tech Shooting

My hope is this will spur the citizens of the USA to see the error of their ways, to see how illogical this is, to see it is killing them.

My frustration is that it won't change a thing. The Columbine shooting didn't change a thing. Numerous workplace shootings haven't changed a thing. What will it take for people to see that their right to bear arms has nothing to do with having unfettered access to firearms and using them to shoot each other.

My sympathy goes out to the families of those who were shot down whilst they sought education, typical a path away from violence. My strength goes out to those who were present and must now find the courage to carry on. My courage goes out to those who have the power and will to change the laws so that this is less likely to occur in the future. Do Something!

Senior Power

OK, so this is proof that the older generation can kick your a**!

Costa Rica Mugger Killed by American Senior Citizen

Why is Bad News the Only News?

One would believe reporting a reduction in drug usage would be something to scream about.....from the rooftops. Celebrate good times and all. Apparently, not. Guess this doesn't sell newspapers. Or the editors just didn't feel it had that get your attention vibe going on. Or Good News ain't news at all.

Drug Usage Drops

This is a good thing, no?

Why do I read magazines?

Is there some kind of intellectual faux pas I am committing by reading magazines? Why do people seem a bit disappointed when they find out I read about 12-15 magazines/month?

I don't read just magazines. I also read books. I read 2-3 of those/month. I must confess I rarely read newspapers. Rarely is defined as once/month max. With the single exception of the local village paper (which is free), I buy a newspaper for the sole purpose of using it to light the fire in the fireplace. All my daily news I get on the Internet. I can get the news that interests me without getting my hands dirty (although RSI can be an unpleasant side effect).

Why would I buy a paper? The ink gets all over my fingers and furniture. There's no convenient place to read a broadsheet. Ever tried reading a paper on a train or in a car? The ink spreading gets even worse when you have to fold and refold it to get it into position to read. Then I realise I'm not actually interested in anything on that page and the folding exercise begins again.

Quite often, particularly if I buy a Sunday paper, large sections go unread for weeks and stack up in the corner of the lounge. Inevitably, I try to read them but find myself skimming them more than reading, as if to give the impression that I have read them. This eases my conscious of the guilt I feel for buying and then not reading. So then I just throw them away (or burn them, depending on seasonal requirements).

Magazines are different. Very rarely does what a magazine have to say go out of date. They can give stories much more in-depth coverage and provide multiple points of view. They can compile all the facts and give a comprehensive account of the event/person/place/thing. And the pictures are so much better!

Do you read newspapers?

LATE EDIT
"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers." --Thomas Jefferson

New York Times ONLINE

One of my favourite things to do used to be to pick up the NY Times at the Tattered Cover Bookstore in Denver, CO USA on a Sunday morning, get my weekly workout carrying it home and spend the next week catching up on all the news in all the world (and dream of the day when I could live in NYC and the lifestyle I would have). The website for the bookstore is not as appealing as the store with its big overstuffed chairs and more books than the public library. This bookstore was the model on which all the new Barnes & Noble were designed and they still fell short. It felt like your own living room only bigger. I would curl up in chair, take off my shoes, and browse the books I'd collected.

But one of the things I missed most when I moved to the UK wasn't the bookstore. It was the NY Times. I couldn't quite get to grips with the newspapers in the UK and there was very little news about the USA unless it was presidential news. I tried to get it delivered to my home but gave up once I found out it wouldn't be delivered until Monday and it was going to cost me an arm and a leg. In the aftermath of 9/11, the NY Times was offered online at a subscription fee. But the technology let me down and neither my dial up connection or the subscription software worked reliably and I struggled to read the paper more than once/month.

Imagine my excitement when I found out that you can now get the paper on line NYTimes. OK, this isn't the same as hefting the huge paper, sifting through all the inserts, lounging about on the sofa, getting black ink on your fingers but I can dismiss almost all of those objections with the justification that it is certainly better for the environment. And I can afford it! And I can read it every day! If I can find the time......