Saturday 22 December 2007

The Next Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, 'You're not the boss of me'.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.


Anonymous said...

Blah blah blah blah... I guess I should pander to this and submit to you that women are superior again?

I am not saying taking care of kids is easy, but some people make it harder than it has to be. Look at your list for example. Most men would cut that list by 50% and somehow the kids would turn out fine... for example..What I would cut...
1. send cards - If its important, you'll remember them. If you forget.. no big deal.
2. Dance lessons for the boys of course (couldn't help that one LA and grandma).
3. Buy cookies for the social function or just bring beer. Or change the function to a football game.
4. Men never have back aches?
5. Move intimacy to the top of the list, that gives the man energy for everything else...

My wife is a stay at home Mama. She does a great job and its exhausting... work. Especially since we have no help in Florida...but so is my job. If I could stay at home and she work, I would.

The only thing a woman can do, when it comes to taking care of a child, that a man can't is breast feed. I am sure there is a scientist somewhere working on that (hopefully instead of global warming)..

he he..

LaDawn said...

Oh yeah, beer would make the children very happy.

Disagree that you only remember cards if important. My husband has never sent a card in his life. It isolated friends and offended family. It never occurred to him. Maintaining social relationships for the family tends to fall to the woman.

Buying cookies rathe rthan making them? Are you kidding me? Do you remember store bought goods? No, but I do remember the time and love investment to actually make it yourself.

If father's were to do this kid's would be ok but maybe not feel as loved.

Anonymous said...

Baby Jo knows I love him...