The Last Juror by John Grisham

I got bored with John Grisham years ago. His plots were the same he just changed the names and the genders of his main characters. My favourite Grisham novel was actually his first novel, A Time to Kill, which was re-released after the runaway bestseller, The Firm, which was later made into a film starring Tom Cruise.


So I've skipped the last 10 or so Grisham cookie cutter novels, particularly after his cookie cutter novels became cookie cutter films.


The Last Juror was given to me by Gill after she had powered through it and thought I might enjoy the quick read. And I did indeed!


Willie Traynor is a 23 year old, who just happens to have a rich aunt and be perhaps the luckiest fictional characer I've read about in the last 10 years. He also happens to be the bravest when he takes over the local small town paper to starts telling the stories no one else is telling, eg local corruption, racism, school integration. The story really takes off when a young widow with 2 small children is murdered. It's an open and shut case against a young man who just happens to be a member of a renowned family of hoodlums. But then he vows revenge on those who sentenced him.


The novel is filled with wonderful caracaitures of southern eccentrics, my favourite being Callie Ruffin. Like all of Grisham's novels, it is set in the south and the story starts its telling in the 1970s which must have been an incredibly interesting time to be in the south (of the USA, people!). The ending is sweet although I saw the twist coming a mile away.


This is one of those page turning, read in a couple of hours, entertaining books. Not gonna change your world but a whole lot of fun!

The Rug

I've been meaning to post a photograph of my rug. If you don't know what I'm talking about read this.

The beautiful purchase arrived as promised right on time and has had pride of place in the lounge. It is soooo soft both the children and I love taking our shoes and socks off and walking around on it. the only challenge we have is keeping Bailey (the dog) off of it!

Gorgeous, isn't it?

Shopping Fun

My shopping trip did not end in tears. For once I had more in my dressing room that fit than I could afford (or wanted to afford) to buy.

I had to carefully restrain myself to not buy more than I needed to get me through the next couple weeks. I bought just what was on my list (another top tip from the stylist). I bought things in sizes much smaller than I thought I was although I have to confess I was massively annoyed at the inconsistency in sizes even within the same store. I had one pair of size 10 (US 8) that fit but a size 14 (US 12) that didn't both in the Gap. What's up with that? It sure doesn't make shopping very easy!

I went to my diet group meeting feeling like I was looking gooooood. First time in a long time I went anywhere feeling proud of my appearance.

I can hardly wait to do some more shopping! Boy, never thought I'd hear myself say that again.

Clothing Crisis

My wardrobe has dwindled to next to nothing, which is a good thing but also a bad thing. It means all my fat clothes have gone to new homes. It also means I've got nothing to wear. And I mean nothing.

I've still got 26 pounds to go so I know that in a few months I will need to replace anything I buy but equally I've got to buy because everything is falling off me.

I've been able to nick a few things from the fat club (diet group) hand me down bags but I am in serious trouble.

I rewarded myself with the advice of a professional stylist this week. She did my colours (which instinctually I knew) and advised that every woman must have great fitting bras (which I also knew - see bra post). But she did give me some great advice that I have haphazardly and at my peril ignored for the last 44 years of my life.

1. Wear your trousers long, especially if you are short. Your ankle bone (that round sticky outy thing on the side of your ankle) should never see the light of day if you are wearing trousers. So I guess that is the end of my cropped trousers which are the only trousers I have in my wardrobe. Doesn't break my heart so much as they are hanging off me anyway but they are the only trousers in my wardrobe right now.

2. If you find trousers that fit really well and you really like them buy 2 pairs of them at the same time. Have one pair altered to fit when wearing heels and the other for flats to ensure adherence to rule number 1.

3. Buy jackets in bold colours to jazz up anything. Make sure the jacket fits and if it doesn't get it altered.

4. Find a good seamstress for all these alterations and keep her.

5. Don't wear black up against your face without breaking it up with a scarf or a bold necklace.

6. Skirts should stop either at the slimmest part of your leg (for me this is much longer than I usually wear) or just above the knee (but only in the summer).

7. Get a pedicure once a summer (at the least).

Then stylist then went through my wardrobe. I knew this wasn't going to take long. There isn't anything there! It was nice to know I wasn't doing so badly on my own but a little heart breaking to know that a few of my favourite pieces needed to go to new homes. I've got a list of essential items she made for me to get me through the next few months and we are off today to procure those items.

I've got high hopes of this not ending in tears like so many previous shopping trips of late. I refused to go shopping when I was fat(ter) unless I absolutely had to (eg underwear). I have now purchased some rather flash (and a wee bit sexy) knickers which are meeting with Marc's approval. The last time I went into the shops was just before my trip to India and I wasn't as small as I was hoping I was but I've lost 11 pounds since then so I should not be disappointed.

I've made 3 piles of clothing: 1) Favourites that can be altered for the seamstress 2) Donations to the fat club 3) Suitable to be sold on eBay to fund my new wardrobe

All of those will be delivered to their rightful places by Tuesday next week.

Oh and I got my haircut. Really cut. So cut that even the men in my office noticed.

The future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Bras

Men might want to skip this post and red the one about baseball instead. Or if you want to be particularly enlightened to the trials of tribulations of being a woman feel free to read on. I’m not proud.

With all this weight loss going on, my bra situation had reached critical mass (no pun intended). My puppies were hanging down to my navel. I have lost nearly 5 inches around my back and my cup size had significantly decreased. The back was riding up to my neck and the straps were generally falling down around my elbows. The cups were so big I could have stuffed a small animal in them to keep my puppies company.

I was trying to be thrifty and make due with the bras I had. Knowing that I still have at least 27 pounds to go, I have no doubt that I will have to make a further investment if I buy now.

And bras are an investment at my size. It’s not like I can just pop out to WalMart and purchase a 34H….yes, you read that right – H.

I decided I just couldn’t make do any longer. I made an appointment with Rigby & Peller, the famed London store for all things bra related. This store is noted for their personalised and accurate no nonsense fitting service. Oh, and they have a royal warrant. If the bras are good enough for the Queen, they are good enough for me.

Marc & the children dropped me off at the curb and I went in. In no time I was in front of the mirror with a woman man handling my puppies into an appropriate bra and I was out of the store within 30 minutes.

My puppies are now fully contained and maintaining their position rather well. The bra is comfortable (well, as comfy as bras get) and I haven’t had to pull the straps up or the back down once today. I know a return trip will be required in 4-5 weeks but right now it is worth it.

The B-Word

Can you believe we are more than halfway through May and I haven't even mentioned the B-word on my blog? Not even once since spring training started in March. But I can't hold back any longer.

The Red Sox and Cubbies are both in first place in their division but the Rockies are struggling down in third. the critics are having a field day saying it proves the fluke of their World Series appearance lat year. Well, fluke or no fluke I was proud of them to just get there. I get to watch 2 games/week over here and am seriously considering subscribing to mlb live over the internet. problem with this is I am asleep for most games.....so it doesn't really work for me.

We are going to be in the states for nearly 3 weeks this summer. In the schedule, we've got plans to catch 1 game in Colorado. I wonder if my family would be cross if I sit in front of the television watching baseball all day/all night every day. Yeah, that probably won't go down so well.

Sebastian has started batting practice in the back garden. He's good. Do scouting agents come over here?

Oh, how I love the boys of summer!

Motivation

Everyone keeps asking me how I did this and telling me they could never do it.

Well, let me tell you something, the answer to both questions is the same: It all depends on how much you want it. Until you want it so bad it hurts, it probably won't happen.

Marc and I will be going to the St George's School Summer Ball in June and I didn't want to the be largest woman in the room again. Maybe that is a slight exaggeration but it is how it felt to me. I didn't want to cry in the dressing room whilst I tried on dress after dress after dress and be massively horrified that I could find nothing that helped cover my bumps and bulges without exposing other bumps and bulges. In recent years, this has been one of the most mortifying experiences.

The other big motivational factors was when I was sitting amongst a group of women who started discussing fat people and how disgusting they were (I'm paraphrasing) among other critical statements about the sex life of fat people. All of these women are slim and trim and they had either completely forgotten I was fat or I had put on my invisibility cloak and they didn't realise I was in the room. I cried all the way home thinking these women, some who I have known for nearly 8 years and who I thought were my friends, think I'm disgusting.

That was it. It was the next day that I made the commitment to do something about it. Now I'm doing this for me. I feel great. I am looking better. A man from the office that I barely know (except in passing) walked up to me in the corridor the other day and told me he kept thinking to himself something had changed. Then he said he realised I had dropped a massive amount of weight and looked great. What a sweet thing for him to say.

I read a few months back that fat people are less successful at their careers. I decided to put that to the test. I looked at all the people who are above me in the corporate food chain and you know what? Not a single one of them is overweight. Not even a little bit.

Working mums have a tougher go at this weight management issue. I would love to spend my mornings at the gym and my afternoons at the tennis court and my evenings taking a run. OK, maybe not all on the same day but this isn't even an option for me. Carving out even 30 minutes for exercise presents some challenges for me since I rarely have 10 minutes to myself before 9 pm (not exactly prime exercise time).

I know once I hit my goal weight the journey is not over. I've registered for the Running4Women Windsor 8K on 20 September and my training starts today! If anyone wants to be a running buddy, please let me know! I could use the encouragement (and pressure to train). I did this run 2 years ago and am hopeful I can better my time especially since when I ran it then I was 12 pounds heavier than I am now! I was just happy to finish it without dying. This year I have loftier goals.

I'm on currently on day 77, only 23 more days to go. I've got a fair amount of anxiety around going back to normal food. Carbohydrates in particular scare the living daylights out of me. I've started my weekly meal planning for post program success. I will undoubtedly still have about 15 or so pounds to go so managing this without the assistance of my shakes and bars will prove a challenge.

I have started taking this into consideration with my weekly meal planning. For the last 12 weeks I've written the meal plans for Marc and the children with the sole intention of minimising the effort Marc would have to put into the cooking since he had to do this on his own. I didn't want him to have to work too hard. But now the meal plans beyond week 14 have to consider my dietary requirements as well as maintaining something that my children and husband will eat and still doesn't take 4 hours to prepare. This hasn't been easy. My kids aren't so keen on salads.

I'm having a major wardrobe crisis. I have 4 pairs of trousers that sort of fit. In fact they are too big but I can manage to keep them up with a drawstring waist. None of my jeans fit me any more. I've got 4 skirts which are great for work (but not so good for mummy duty). I've got a dozen long sleeve shirts and about the same number of short sleeve shirts. None of it really goes together very well. Even all my pajamas are way too big. I really don't want to go spend money on wardrobe items when I know I still have 28 pounds to go but recognise that at some point I will have buy some interim items. I just hate wasting the money.

But I tell you I am soooooo looking forward to the Summer Ball. I haven't bought my dress yet. I haven't even started looking. I've enlisted the help of a stylist and she is excited to help me navigate this anxiety ridden journey. What should be amusing is that I intend to have a glass of wine (or two) on the evening. This will be the first alcohol I will have had in over 100 days. I suspect this should be fairly entertaining for those around me. Top tip (from a concerned bystander) was to mix the wine with some soda water. Now, who would do this to a great glass of wine? Some friends have offered to ensure I stay standing upright. Now with friends like that, what else do you need? (Besides a killer dress!)

Freakonomics by Levitt & Dubner

I gave this book to my husband for Christmas last year. He read it in just a few days which if you know my husband is a pretty strong endorsement for a book. Or maybe not since he reads Jeremy Clarkson books with the same enthusiasm. (Americans won't get that reference - don't worry about it).

I managed to read this in just a few days as well and found it fascinating. It wasn't quite what I expected....actually it was nothing like I expected but it did put forth a couple of thought provoking ideas.

Levitt is a well respected economics prodigy and Dubner is a journalistic friend who thought he could help Levitt tell his story and explain his theories to the masses.

The theory that legalised abortion caused the remarkable reduction in crime rates in the early 90s is perhaps one of the most controversial. The discussion of corruption amongst sumo wrestlers is a somewhat amusing but how this technique was used to eliminate cheating teachers from the Chicago school system was inspirational. It is a shame that the theory about how the KKK was brought down proved later to be based on an urban myth but hey, when your data set is flawed, what's an economist to do?

One of the authors' objectives in writing this book was not so much to prove or disprove various correlations between data sets but more to get people questioning conventional wisdom and asking the right questions.

This is was most certainly a fascinating read. And it only takes a few short hours to get all the way through it. I recommend it if you are willing to look at the world from a different perspective.

The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner

WARNING: This book is not for the faint hearted or the literary challenged.

I struggled through that first chapter like I've never struggled before. I wanted to curl up under a rug and I hide knowing that this was my choice for book group this month and the ladies in my group were going to hate it and/or refuse to finish it.

Both were true (ish).

I found the first chapter completely baffling and thought maybe I had lost the ability to read. I quickly sought solace in the internet and found some reading guides (like Cliff Notes) online. Ah, then it started to make a bit of sense.

I found everyone struggles through that first chapter.

The story is about the Compson family in 1920s and each chapter is told by a different member of the family (although technically the last chapter is the narrated by the author). The first chapter is told by Benjy, the mentally handicapped brother of Quentine, Caddie and Jason. Their father has died and their mother is either a hypochondriac or the laziest woman ever as she spends their entire life in bed. The children are cared for by their black housekeeper, Dilsey, and the various members of her family.

The first chapter is told by Benjy which is why it is such a complete random stream of consciousness.

The second chapter, told by Quentin, was easier although similarly baffling but now that I understood that Faulkner is playing with time and memory, I relaxed a bit and just let the words pour over me like a hot shower on a cold morning. This chapter thrilled me because it is where I found Faulkner's most beautiful writing. the pages of the second chapter are littered with me highlighting as I read page after page of beautiful words. You don't realise until well into the third chapter that Quentin commits suicide at the end of the second chapter at which point you gotta go reread what he's written.

The third chapter is told by Jason, a bitter, sick, and twisted man. Although this chapter is well ordered and time and place make sense, this was my least favourite chapter but only because I hated Jason.

The book takes place over 4 days and ends. It just ends. There's no finding of the missing Caddie or Quentin (her daughter, not her brother). There's no morality tale. You don't know the whys or wherefores. It just ends.

Faulkner writes the first two chapters largely in stream of consciousness which I find so incredibly difficult to read. He also moves through time the way you recall memories (not in any particular order). He also gives the same name to multiple characters. i don't think Faulkner wrote this novel to be read. I think he wrote it for his own pleasure. And if we all happened to like it well all the better.

I am glad I read this. I am more glad that I invested the considerable amount of time and effort to understand it a bit better. I have a feeling this is one of those books that gets better with multiple readings. I feel that I have had to reread so many parts of the book to help me get what was going on that I have already read it at least 3 times but I suspect it will be one of those works that I pick up again in a few years and give another go.

Some critics have called this one of Faulkner's greatest works. He is considered by some the greatest American novelist of all time. I haven't read anything else he has written so I can't offer up an opinion here. But I can recommend that you give it a go. It's not a long book. But a word of warning. Get a reading guide from the internet and read it first. Don't worry, you won't spoil the ending but you will increase your chances of actually finishing the novel and maybe even increase your understanding of this baffling piece of literature.

Book Group Verdict: Only 2 people finished it (I didn't even finish it). One loved it. One didn't understand it. The others gave up 20 pages or so into the first chapter. Next month will be a much easier endeavour: The Outcast by Sadie Jones.

Halfway and Then Some

I've now lost half the weight towards my goal. I reach this milestone with a mixture of joy and frustration.

I am on day 70 which means that I've not eaten proper food for 70 days. Phew! There are been some genuine white knuckle moments but I am pleased that I have stuck with it and know I can manage the next 30 days without too many challenges. I mean, if I've made it this far why would I give up now, right?

On the other hand, I am frustrated to the core that having not eaten for 70 days my weight loss has been significantly below the expected weight loss for the program. I should be losing .5 pound/day or 3.5/week. I haven't. I lost far less.

My mind gets in my way and I start thinking I could lose this without the starvation element. I start thinking I could eat sensibly and exercise and lose even more.

But then I convince myself that I've got to stick to my commitment to myself to finish the 100 days and this morning I find myself going to yet another meeting of my "group".

I know that at the end of the 100 days I'll still have at least 20 pounds to go to my goal weight and realise that I will have to keep working beyond 8 June to lose those final pounds.

Oh, give me strength!

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finish every day and be done with it.


You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can.


Tomorrow is a new day; You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

Over 1000 pages......are you kidding me? Despite Oprah's urgings I had resisted reading this book simply because of its heft. I couldn't bear the thought of either carrying the book around or trying to hold it up as I read it in bed. But the enthusiastic urgings of various friends and other book reviews encouraged me to forget my misgivings and give it a go. I've carried this weight to Toronto and back and now all over my epic Indian Safari.

And I am glad I did. This was a history lesson and provided fascinating insight into the life of the resident of 12th century England (with a little bit of France thrown in for good measure).

I've heard that many of Ken Follett's previous books are filled with a cast of thousands and can be difficult to manage as a result. This book is no different. There is a cast of thousands; thousands of monks and landed gentry, and peasants, and royalty. The drama takes you from the rolling hills and forests of southern England to the religious pilgrimages to Spain and beyond and then back to the building of Notre Dame. And yet the subtle weaving of the stories of these lives is captivating. The lives of this cast of thousands cross paths time and time again making small and big differences to the outcomes of their lives.

Each character is lovingly developed with attention to the individuals. No shallow characters here. And no gross generalisations either. The characters never become parodies even the evil William and the alleged witch Ellen.

I wish I knew more about architecture before I started reading it but I certainly know more about architecture having read it. The purpose behind flying buttresses is now abundantly clear. I feel I understand better the purpose behind building those epic cathedrals.

Civil war, famine, bad weather, and greed/corruption of church officials and barons had a direct impact on the lifestyle of everyone and it appears to have been extremely difficult to escape the varying degrees of destruction and strife each one left.

My favourite character was Aliena, a member of a royal family, appearing initially as spoilt rotten, who loses her royal status, nearly starves and is brutally raped but finds deep inside her a survivor spirit and fights back year after year through hard work and brute determination to establish herself as a self sufficient woman making a fundamental contribution to society. Eventually she finds within herself the capability to love which had long been suppressed. She was such a strong character I loved and admired her.

The only disappointment is the very last chapter. Thomas Beckett appears out of nowhere and the story ends with a neat and tidy moral lesson. It took away from the rest of the book which seemed to be more about the fact that life isn't always fair.

Despite that one minor complaint, I highly recommend this book, especially if you are into historical fiction. Like The Other Boleyn Girl, this story has its roots in history although, I have no doubt, considerable literary license has been taken. Many of the characters a directly from our history books, eg King Stephen and Thomas Beckett, but others, eg Tom Builder and Prior Phillip, are purely from the author's imagination. My complaint is how do I know what is real and what is imagined. But this only causes me to read more.

City Comparison

Each of the cities I have visited in India have been fundamentally different. It has almost felt like I have been visiting different countries. Oh sure, there are some things which have been the same (everyone communicating on the streets with the excessive use of the horn and the overwhelming traffic) but each and every city has made a very different impression on me.

Chennai: The infrastructure of this city has got some serious problems. Everywhere you looked was a construction projects, not just buildings but pipes, roads, homes. The tsunami seriously damaged the area and the rapid growth of the IT industry has meant this city has got to work hard. This was the only city where the power seemed to give out several times during each day, not for long but for a few minutes. There appears to be very few Westerners here. I think I can count the number of white people I saw on my ten fingers. Hands down though, this wins for best hotel and location. Fisherman's Cove and the beach are a wonderful place to relax after a long day although it is far removed from the daily life of your average Indian. I struggled to envision what life is like for the Indian residents of this crumbled city. About 3 out of 5 people wear motorcycle helmets when traveling by motorbike. It is hot and humid, the most humid by far.

Bangalore: I had but one brief opportunity to see this city on one trip into the city centre when I met colleagues for dinner. The centre is very modern and urban. Lots of lights and shopping centres. There are lots of Westerners both in the airport and at the restaurant we ate in. In fact, if I recall correctly every table had a Westerners at it. Maybe that's the restaurant for taking all Westerners. The traffic was the worst here. About 4 out of 5 people wear motorcycle helmets when traveling by motorbike. It was much cooler especially at night than Chennai.

Pune: This city is green and mountainous. More so than any other city I visited. It seems to have a combined urban/rural feel to it. No one wears motorcycle helmets. It was hottest here but no humidity. There were loads of Westerners. The hotel air conditioning had 2 speeds: off and deep freeze. At one point in the night I awoke shivering and turned it off. I woke a few hours later being viciously biten by mozies. The deet came out in force. One of the most disconcerting moments was when waiting for my flight to Mumbai in the Pune airport the electricity went out for more than 5 minutes. OK, that's not really reassuring. Every city (except Mumbai had power outages whilst I was there but at least it didn't happen whilst I was waiting to catch a flight. Eeeeke!

Mumbai: This city clearly has the best infrastructure and the most Westerners, mostly business men appearing to do the same type of work I do. I sat between 2 white men on my flight here and it was nearly all white people in business class on the way home. We encountered very little traffic on the way to the airport although granted I spent the least amount of time here. Oddly, the domestic terminal of the airport is nicer than the international terminal. There are very few motorcycles and it wasn't all that hot. They seem to generally obey the traffic signals here which is a first.

I have numerous mosquito bites, mostly on my feet (think I missed those with the deet spray) and will continue to take my anti-malaria pills for a week. I only had a couple diarrhea incidents (not bad for 1 week, I reckon). I was not involved in any road traffic accidents (the greatest miracle of all). I was not mugged.

I was deeply annoyed by the tipping culture, ie everyone (sometimes up to 3 people at a time) wanted to help me with opening doors, moving my luggage, etc and each and everyone of them expected a tip including employees of the airport/airlines. The greatest expense easily was tipping all these people when in fact I didn't need or want any help. I get the poverty but let's put these people to work on the infrastructure and stop the corruption.

I have expanded my horizons somewhat although to say I saw India would be a mistake. I saw what corporate India wanted me to see: nice hotels, nice taxi cabs, nice offices, nice restaurants. Everywhere I went was clean and air conditioned.

The middle age in me is relieved to be home safely but the adventurer in me yearns to go back and pull off the covers to experience the real India. I want to take my children. I want them to see the world as it is beyond their private school, big home and nintendo/Wii.

I slept like a log in my bed last night. My own sheets, my own pillows, no mosquitoes. It's great to see the world but it is greater to be home with the ones I love and who love me.

The Unexpected

I arrived in Mumbai expecting the worst leg of my journey to be my last one. I'd heard the horror stories of Bombay travel and was not looking forward to the last night before my return journey home.

Boy, was I in for a surprise.

1. The domestic arrivals terminal of the airport is modern. And clean. And huge. The toilet even had toilet paper which no other airport has had. I didn't get hassled to help with my bags (which comes with the requisite expectation of a tip for pushing a trolley which I am quite capable of myself, thank you very much.

2. There was no or very little traffic. I arrived at my hotel within 20 minutes with no traffic jams and no scary driving. My driver only used his horn once.

3. I am staying at the InterContinental which is a humongous hotel. It is beautiful and everyone I have spoken to in the hotel has been very friendly. When my luggage was brought up and I gave the bell boy his tip, it was the first time anyone has ever said thank you or didn't ask for more.

4. The spa managed to get me a massage appointment for 9:30 pm which was divine and set me up perfectly for my return trip home. These massages are such a great bargain. I've paid less than £20 for a 60 minute massage!

5. I have just walked through the largest and most enticing food buffet I have ever laid eyes upon. I resisted the temptation and didn't touch the food but it was definitely a white knuckle moment!

My Indian Safari is drawing to a close and I will be home within the next 24 hours with any luck at all!

Time Zones

Explaining that I am in a country nearly half way around the world is a difficult concept for a child. Add to that the notion of time zones. Well, that's just nearly impossible.

Any ideas on how to explain time zones to children (age 4 & almost 7)?

Airport Security for Women

The whole concept of airport security is done quite differently here in India. They don't care so much about liquids, ie no one has asked to see my little baggy of 100 ml liquids but lighters and matches are still banned unlike in the UK where it is exactly the opposite.

When you enter the airport you checkin luggage is taken from you and scanned. Then given back to you with either a tie around it or a sticker across the zip. You then go to the ticketing counter and hand over the bags.

Then you go through gate security and here in India there is a separate line for airport security for women. I keep forgetting and getting in the wrong line. But the men stare at me and point towards the correct line, so eventually I figure it out. Duh!

The difference is that the queue is shorter. Few women seem to travel. Your carry on luggage must be tagged and once it is screen the tags get stamped. Then there is a curtained off booth which you enter after the metal detector where female security personnel do the body search. And then they stamp your boarding ticket.

Once you are fully stamped up, you are free once again to mingle with the men.

PS The airports are surprisingly small. Only 5-7 gates for departure. They make announcements over the PA when your flight is boarding which is slightly nerve racking because I really have to work hard to understand the accent. Only 2 more airports to go!

Near Catastrophe

I have no photos of Bangalore. At all. The place where I was staying was in the supplier campus and prevents all photography. So I can't prove that I was there except the plane ticket. Since I took an internal flight I can't even show you a stamp in my passport. I could be sitting on the beach in Brighton. But I'm not. It is Thursday so this must be Pune and it is 100 degrees F (40 c).

I am shattered. Yesterday my meetings started at 8:30 and went straight through dinner until 11:00 in the evening. In fact in the taxi drive home I had to announce that I was tired of working and could we please talk about something else, anything else.

I was relieved to get back to the hotel but not looking forward to packing, checking out and the airport tango consisting of queues, loads of people jostling for position, baggage tags, and the crushing fear of someone stealing one of your bags when you’ve turned your back for just a second. The whole rushing to the front of the queue is something I just don't get. I mean we all have to get on the plane so it doesn't really matter if you are at the front of the queue or the back of the queue, plane leaves when we are all seated (with our seat belts securely fastened).

I didn’t sleep well. I rarely do the night before I have to catch an early morning flight. I’m always afraid I am going to oversleep. I woke up every hour and had to turn on the light to check that the alarm clock was still working.

When the alarm went off and I drug myself out of bed and got down to the front desk.

I patiently waited until it was 10 minutes past the expected arrival time of my taxi. I then asked the man at the front desk to ring the taxi and see when it was expected to arrive. He did and then panic set in.

They had no booking for me. I was on the company campus and there was no way to hail a cab. My supplier had taken an earlier morning flight to Hyderabad and besides he’s British so he couldn’t help me. I asked the front desk to ring one of the people I had dinner with last night he was trying to find out what had happened but he was running out of time.

A man (I assume an employee of the supplier) comes out of the hotel and says he is going to the airport and will share a car. There is a wee little car waiting for him. My big suitcase takes up the entire boot. All the other luggage is piled into the back seat which I position myself around. There is no air conditioning so the front windows are open and my hair is flying away whilst I sit in the back seat and try to contain my complete and utter anxiety attack. The roads we take are the back roads and they are dirt. Dust is all over my clothes. At one point I text my husband. He sends through alternative flight times to Pune (he’s a saint and if I ever complain about it remind me of this moment). I text him that I am not entirely sure I am headed to the airport. My mobile then stopped sending texts. I realise I haven't been receiving email since the day before and I am beginning to worry that perhaps I’ve been kidnapped and this was all a sinister plot to keep me from visiting other suppliers.

OK, not really but I am angry. Very angry. I trusted them to make reliable travel arrangements for me. Easy. Simple. Straightforward. If they can’t do that how can they take care of the big things I need them to take care of.

I quite simply don’t deal well with that level of stress particularly when I am working on average of 4 hours sleep/night and have been working non-stop for 3 days. I am travelling to see another supplier. I look like I’ve been camping or sleeping rough. I've got meetings here today and tomorrow then tomorrow evening I'm off to Mumbai for less than 24 hours just to catch a flight home to London.

I am missing home.

I have now arrived in Pune and my two supplier colleagues met me at the airport (seems they were on the same flight which they had caught at its origination point in Chennai. They helped me with my luggage, got my driver who got my car which has air conditioning and is clean!

I am feeling better and am now headed into yet another office for a day of meet and greet. It is going to be an early night.

I Bought a Rug

I never intended on buying a rug. In fact, the thought never even occurred to me.


Between the end of my session and dinner, my driver offered to take me to a shop which he had been going on and on and on about. I thought maybe it was owned by his brother-in-law or something.


The people I am visiting felt it would be a shame if I didn't visit at least one shop to procure a souvenir of my visit to Chennai. And they offered to send someone with me.

So I went shopping. I'm not the biggest shopper in the best of times and the thought of shopping in an Indian market was just a bit intimidating. But hey, what's a little intimidation for motivation?

The shop wasn't a market place at all but a relaxing environment full of beautiful handicrafts and a delicious cinnamon and cardamon tea which shocked and surprised me. After spending quite a long time browsing and registering in the back of my mind those items which would make good gifts for my children, the shop keeper offered me a seat and a cup of tea and started bringing out the most beautiful rugs you have ever seen.

And it was all down hill from there. The rugs are woven hung vertically (didn't know it mattered til then), hand dyed, hand woven, hand tied and certified to be free from the use of child labour (oh go, I hope so!). This is a seriously manual process which results in the most glorious rug you have ever felt under your feet.

And it changes colour. As you move in relationship to the rug the colour of it changes....you gotta see it to believe. It's a magic carpet! My very own magic carpet. I haggled with a little help from my escort. I haggled hard. I surprised myself a bit. I got a good deal, a very good deal!

Right, I've landed in Bangalore, very different from Chennai. Many more Westerners, more urban, although it was 10:30 pm when we were driving through the city, and no beach. Had a most unpleasant experience at the security gate of the complex last night that I must sort out. More details to follow!

Bump in the Night

The jet lag here is quite the opposite I'm used to. I was up reading until well past midnight and didn't feel remotely sleepy. Of course, this could be due to more than just jet lag.

The village down the beach is having a festival. This means loud music so everyone can hear. Until 1 am. And fireworks until 1 am, which sort of drowned out the music.

When I finally did feel my eyelids start to droop I turned off the light and cuddled down into the duvet. Then I heard the closet doors rattle. I was afraid someone had sneaked into my room and was hiding in the closet. I lay paralyzed with fear until I decided that was ridiculous.

I turned on the lights to find the biggest creepy crawly ascending the wall opposite the doors. Remember this thing was big enough to make the closet doors rattle. Panic set in. I called for Marc. He wasn't here.

I picked up the phone book, walked over to the wall (checking my foot placement to avoid other creepy crawlies), and nailed it with the phone book.

Bug now well and truly dead lying on its back on the floor. I couldn't get to sleep for fear of more bugs. Reminds of the time I found a large iguana in my hotel room in Cancun, Mexico. But that's another story!

Guest is God

I spent the morning trying to catch up on my sleep and then moved into my Garden Suite which also has a sea view as you can see. I couldn’t wait to get myself down to the beach and spent several hours sitting on the chair, listening to the waves and the birds sing the songs of rest and relaxation. At least that’s what it sounded like to me.

One of the first things I did this morning was book an hour massage in the Spa. I have a serious spa addiction. It is difficult to travel and a nice spa treatment can fix all the knots caused by carrying luggage and endless queuing, not to mention less than flat beds on the airplane.

I don’t need perfume. I have a garland of fresh jasmine around my neck and it is undoubtedly the most intoxicating smell. And this garland was just the icing on the cake.

I was greeted with a divine cup of lemony honey mint tea which strictly speaking is not on my diet. I choose to overlook that minor point and drank it like a good girl.

I started with 5 minutes in the steam room. Coming in from the sweltering heat and humidity of April in Chennai I didn’t think I could get any hotter or sweatier. I was wrong. I nearly bolted before the 5 minutes was up but I stuck it out like a trooper telling myself that if I could give up food for 50 days I could sit here. As long as I didn’t pass out. I breathed a sigh of relief when she came for me.

She pointed me to the showers and gave me a lovely robe and those gorgeous disposable panties. You men won’t have a clue what I’m talking about but I have to ask who do they think those fit? Even with my recent weight loss I could barely get them on.

The massage started with the massage therapist (is that what you call them here?) telling me that here at Fisherman’s Cove the “Guest is God” and we wash the feet of God. Sounds good to me. My feet soaked in warm water filled with floating flower petals as she massaged and then dried them. Near as I could tell that was enough for my money’s worth.

But it was only the beginning of heaven. She had numerous clay bowls filled with various unrecognizable powders and potions which during the next 60 minutes she mixed and rubbed on my back, neck and shoulders. She gave me a massage like I’ve never had including my head.

I reluctantly got my feet back on the ground and returned to reception looking a bit dozey. She marked my forehead with a brown dot of something or other and put 2 grains of rice in the middle of it and placed my fragrant garland over my head.

The last thing I wanted to do was leave this sanctuary of bliss. This was worth the airport hassle and the 10 hour flight anyday!

India First Impressions

• Holy crap, everyone drives like crazy maniacs. Some roads have lines. Some don't. Doesn't matter. They don't pay any attention to the lines. Even when the traffic is coming at you from the opposite direction. And red lights at traffic signals appear to be merely decoration.


• These people never sleep. I arrived at the airport at 4 am on Sunday morning and the airport was packed by western standards anyway. And on the way to the hotel there were loads of people walking. The driver said they were going to church. At that hour of the morning? I'm not sure God is awake. And they don't walk on the sidewalks. Even when there are sidewalks they walk in the street.


• The humidity is stifling.


• The smells are equally intoxicating and revolting. One minute you'd get this amazing whiff of what I am sure was delicious food and the next minute the smell of raw sewage was causing me to gag.


• Shoes appear to be optional.


• The diet is going to be difficult to stick to. I am so tempted by the dining menu!


• The effects of the 26 December 2004 tsunami are still evident. Refugees are still in residence in numerous camps and the landscape has been permanently damaged. Over 691,000 people were affected and nearly 8,000 people died in this area. Nearly 5,500 cattle were also lost. Many are still living in what appears to be horrific conditions.


• Boy these people can talk. I don't think the taxi driver stopped talking for the entire 30 minute journey. I could understand only about every 10th word but that didn't seem to put him off.


• There really are cows in the middle of the road. Lots of cows.
• This is going to be an adventure. I am headed to the beach!

Flying British Airways

There was no small amount of panic when I realised I had little option but to fly with British Airways to India. Unless you have living in a cave you will have heard about the recent traumatic opening of Terminal 5. I was relieved to learn I did not have to brave the chaos of T5 but BA is a challenge in itself.


I got my boarding pass online so check in was a breeze but then the trouble started. The lounge at Gate 10 was closed so I would need to use the lounge at Gate 1. Not too bad you might think, at least there is a lounge. that would be true except my flight was scheduled to depart from Gate 22 which is at least a 30 minute walk from Gate 1. With no moving sidewalks, well, none that work anyway!


I waited in the lounge waiting for my boarding call which I had been told would could about 12:40 for a 13:30 flight. At 12:55 they still hadn't called the flight so I decided not to take any chances and head down there. After walking for ages past non-functioning electric sidewalks I arrived at the gate with all the other passengers (100s of them). I found a seat and waited. Finally at 13:25 they announced that there was a slight (?) delay and they would start boarding in 10 minutes.

And they planned to leave just 10 minutes late. OK, so I knew that was never going to happen. Why can't BA treat their passengers like adults and give us the cold harsh reality? Well, no sense worrying about it. I can't change it. And at least I wasn't in T5!

Air Canada gets my vote for the superior First Class cabin (at least on the flight to Toronto). BA advertises their first class seats as flat beds. Let me tell you if those are flat beds then the world is flat as well.

I didn't sleep well. Some of that is due to the extreme anxiety in the pit of my belly. I wonder what awaits me.

Admin

OK, so I'm off into the big bad world again but just before I go a couple of notices:

1. Patrick Gale is signing copies of Notes from an Exhibition at the Windsor Waterstone's on 23 April at 7 pm. Tickets are £3 and can be booked on 01753 856456. We read this in my book group and loved it. If you are local head down there!
2. Toasters Don't Roast Chickens is a book by a local mum, Melanie Gow. her children attend the same school as my children. She has written an inspiring book about treating her sons numerous illnesses with everything she could find. I haven't read it yet but I have spoken to others who have and they say it is fabulous. She is having a book signing at Waterstone's Windsor on 26 April at 11:30-1:30. No tickets are required for this one. Even if you can' make the book singing I think you should get a copy of the book!

I'm off to India this morning: 4 cities, 3 suppliers, 7 days and countless opportunities for it all to go horribly wrong! Everyone is expressing concerns about my well being. How come before I was a wife and mother no one cared this much? I'll be fine! And I hope to keep you all posted right here.

Stay tuned!

Great Britain is Repossessing the USA

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas which she does not fancy).

Our new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save the Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Holden Monaros are also approved.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $8/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ktechup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.

South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

*God Save the Queen.*

Only He can.

John Cleese

Editors Note: I am working to get the baseball thing reversed. And thanks to Clare Bear for sending this to me. I am still laughing!

Vaccinations

I am fairly well travelled. Well, I used to be before I had children as they sometimes cramp your style (and make the carefree life of travel to exotic locations very very very stressful). I've spent Carnival in Bahia, Northern Brazil and the millennium celebrations in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. I've been mugged in Seoul, South Korea (3 times) and got lost in Brussels (very very very drunk) with my sister.

OK, that last one didn't require vaccinations but the others did. Alas, it has been 8 years since my last course of vaccinations and some vaccinations I've never had, eg rabies. I needed some boosters.

In preparation for my trip to India I had to journey into the centre of London yesterday afternoon and spend an inordinate amount of time being poked and prodded. My aim was to obtain my Fit to Travel Certificate which would mean that I was covered under the company insurance scheme but I got far more than I bargained for(besides a very sore arm).

I watched as the nurse unloaded a bag full of goodies:

• One Tummy Kit: full of stuff to treat diarrhea and all those symptoms associated with eating dodgy food and unclean water
• One Medicine Kit: full of pills to treat most aches, pains, burns, scraps, cuts, including paracetamol, bacterial cream, hydro cortisone, travel sickness pills, antibiotics and even codeine. Cool!
• One Minor Operation Kit: I'm not kidding! In addition to band aids and gauze and burn covers and bandages and tape there is a pair of scissors, a suture kit, needles (of various sizes, of course) and syringes, a venflo just in case I need to give myself an IV, oh and I mustn't forget the scalpel.

I feel like a mobile Medicins San Frontieres.

Now, could someone please explain to me why I have never had to have any of this before? Even when I travelled for business? OK, so I had a bodyguard in Korea for a while but I certainly never had a scalpel.

There is an upside to this. I also have an International SOS card and a Blood card. The blood card means that if anything happens to me they will fly in blood especially for me all the way from Geneva. I wonder what is wrong with the blood from India. The International SOS card means that if something happens I call the emergency number and they send a helicopter for me. Now I'm thinking this could come in handy if I'm running short of time for shopping. I don't suppose that would classify as an emergency for some but others could give a pretty persuasive argument.

Finally, Niagara Photos

After some mild (ok, not that mild at all) panic, I have recovered my photos from the Niagara trip and share them with you here. We are lucky to have them!

Lounge Review

The executive lounge at Toronto Pearson Airport for Air Canada (aka Maple Lounge) wins my vote for the best airport lounge. Ever.

The chairs are comfortable. And I tried out a couple of them. Just thought I would walk around and give them all a go.

There is free WiFi and desks with telephones and desk lamps and rubbish bins.

There are showers although I did check them out personally but lots of others seem to.

The food buffet is a selection of fresh vegetables and fruit with some gorgeous breads, cheese, spreads and dips. Usually you get some stale donuts and individually wrapped carb rubbish. Alas, I looked and smelled but did not touch except to wrap up a couple of the homemade cookies to take home to my children.

There is a vast array of drinks to choose from including over 7 different teas, 5 different coffees, 12 different fruit juices, waters, sodas, and even alcoholic beverages. I've had 2 cups of tea which will probably be just about enough caffeine for me as I appear to be typing at the speed of light.

My only complaint would be the other passengers. There is a man on my right who is eating with his mouth open. Every bite he takes greets me with some lip smacking to end all lip smacking. On my left is a man who appears to be older than god and he has been sniffing his nose for at least 20 minutes straight. I want to tell him to either blow it or get over it because if he ain't dislodged it by now it ain't going anywhere!

It's now time to board the plane and head home. I missed home and will be happy to be back!

The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

Everyone was doing it. So I decided I would do it. No, not that. Everyone was reading or had read The Other Boleyn Girl. Plus there was a movie coming out with 2 of my favourite actresses and I never want to see a movie before I've read the book.

I initially resisted because I've often thought that Philippa Gregory is a bit of bodice ripping, heavy breathing romance type novelist. And I don't generally go for that type of novel. Plus it was long (529 pages) with really tiny print. Hmmmm, I thought, that's a bit odd for that genre. Maybe I got this wrong. It has happened before. not often but once or twice.


I love historical fiction. Now if somebody had told me that was what this was all about I would have read it ages ago. I thoroughly enjoyed this novel set in the court of King Henry VIII as he is becoming dissatisfied by Katherine of Aragon's failure of produce a male heir to his throne, which, let's face it, used to be the only thing a queen was good for.

King Henry VIII apparently took a fancy to a young lady in the Queen's court, Mary, who was Anne's sister. The fact that Mary was only 14 and already married did not appear to bother the king in the slightest. Mary went on to bear 2 children and it was during her second pregnancy that King Henry decided he fancied Anne Boleyn. And the rest is history, as we say.

I did some research after I finished the book in an attempt to separate the fact from the fiction. It appears that they know very little for fact and much of what is contained in the book has actually been confirmed as historically accurate.

Which is a good thing because I found the book to be absolutely fascinating. The detail about life in the court and how you got there and how you stayed there and how you were disgraced and banished (or beheaded) is incredible. I loved the way these distant yet historical figures were brought to life not in the context of history but as human beings with dreams and disappointments. The women had numerous miscarriages and there is quite an interesting approach to cleanliness. I could imagine the dresses they wore based on the exquisite descriptions and I could even taste the food and wine.

The portrait painted of Katherine of Aragon is very complimentary and I am afraid that Anne is not portrayed in such a manner. She is shown to be power hungry and selfish slowly losing her grip on reality as she looses her grip on the king. Whilst everyone at court is manipulative, Anne is shown to be more than her fair share. The fact that Anne was the mother of Queen Elizabeth I, arguably one of the finest monarch in British history is an astonishing fact, especially when you consider she had to unseat Mary, Queen of Scots, daughter of Katherine of Aragon. The argument must have been thin considering Henry used the same argument to sentence her to death that he used to divorce Katherine.

Ultimately, Anne is beheaded. And Henry marries again. And again. And again. And again. But we knew that. What we didn't know was that Mary, Anne's sister went on to marry a man (after the one she was married to dies) she loved and died in relative obscurity and inheriting all the families wealth when her parents died quite early, finding true happiness at last.

Maybe we need to rewrite the fairy tales to show that marrying Prince Charming isn't all it might be cracked up to be. But I do highly recommend this book especially if you enjoy reading about Kings and Queens and the such.

Pages: LOTS! I don't have the book in front of me so I'm not exactly sure but I think it is about 800 or so.

Caring with Food

Most cultures around the world use food to show they care. This is probably somehow related to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The most fundamental of these needs is the physiological needs which includes food.

I show my children, husband, friends, and family that I care for them by making nutritious and delicious meals for them. My children show me they love me by giving me chocolate (except when I'm on a diet). I make dinner for friends which shows them I care enough to make an effort.

Whilst here in Toronto we have been entertained and taken out for dinner every night by our Canadian colleagues. We are building working relationships and we are doing this by eating together.

I think they are finding it very odd that I go out to a restaurant with them and sit with them and talk to them but eat nothing and drink only water and green tea. Or sit on my hands as they devour scrumptious sandwiches and salads for lunch. Heck, I'm finding it very hard.

Last night I sat and watched the group around me eat mushroom risotto, rib eye steak, and caribou. Don't even get me started on the desserts.

Everyone seems fairly convinced that I can't live on water and green tea and yet I persists. I hope I haven't insulted anyone and no one is offended by my lack of participation in the metaphorical breaking of the bread. I was there in spirit. I hope that counts.

Besides I've invited them all to the UK after June 8 and promised them some gastronomic delights and more than a few bottles of wine.

Things Tourists Do

Can you believe I've never ever seen Niagara Falls? How can you travel as much as I have and not have seen one of the Wonders of the World when it is in your own country? OK, so it is a big country but I consider this to be a major oversight.


One would assume that given I was coming to Toronto, I would think gee, maybe I oughta pop over and see Niagara. But no. It takes some cleaver colleague to come up with the bright idea. At which point I slap my forehead and think doh, why didn't I think of that.

So yesterday at the crack of dawn, (which isn't really a problem since when consumed with jet lag in this direction I'm up before the crack of dawn) we head off in one rental car, a map (and I use that term loosely), and a rough idea which direction we might find the falls. I just didn't think we would miss it. I mean, it's gonna be sign posted right?

So a little over an hour and 1/2 later (after a couple wee breaks given my water consumption) we know we are close. We are following the signs looking for parking (like obedient tourists). I'm wondering how far of a walk from the parking we will need to take since it is freezing cold. I'm thinking a couple miles and I'm really glad I brought my scarf and glove but I'm thinking the last minute decision to leave behind my hat was a bad one.

We can hear the water but can't see the water. We round a bend in the road and I nearly drive the car off the road as I let go of the steering wheel and turn my body 45 degrees. My mouth drops open wide enough to drive a bus into.

There in front of us is the biggest, most beautiful waterfalls I have ever seen in my life. The trees and walkway railings are covered in ice which has frozen from the mist.

It is early on a Sunday morning and there are very few tourists around. We've got the place to ourselves nearly.

We got soaked from the mist as we walk from the Horseshoe Falls and down past the falls that are on the USA side. It is cold but I have to say, you get a much better view from the Canadian side. When I return home I'll get those photos loaded up pronto!

After spending a few hours gawking at the beauty we took a scenic route back to Toronto and I stopped off at a food court so my colleagues could grab a bite to eat. As they sat devouring their Wendy's burgers and fried, I drank water and lusted after a Taco Bell bean burrito. Yeah, I know, if you're going to break the diet do it big but don't do it with Taco Bell! But my willpower kept me going and I resisted the temptation. Today is Day 30. Only 70 more to go. that sounded good in my head but it now seems a long way off! I don't have a scale in my room so I can't weigh myself every day religiously like I had been doing which some say might be a good thing.

After getting freshened up after we returned to the hotel, a couple colleagues went to the basketball game but I am sure I made a better decision. We checked out The Second City Comedy Club last night. I've always wanted to go there. It is the famous haunt of John Candy, John Belushi and Gilda Radner (to name just a few comedic greats). We saw an amazing troupe put on an hilarious show. I laughed so hard tears were running down my cheeks and my sides ached from laughing for about 2.5 hours solid. I won't even attempt to describe it here. Somehow I feel the humour will have all gone out of it.

TOP TIP: If you ever come to Toronto make the comedy club a must see!

Airport Aerobics

I swear someone (or group of someones) are sitting in a small room somewhere laughing their asses off each time they watch travellers go trough the crazy stuff they keep thinking up for us to do at airports. We are like circus animals.

We used to be able to carry on two bags. Then it became 1 bag which was nothing short of disaster for women who have to carry a handbag and a laptop. Now we are back to two bags. Thank goodness that nonsense is over.

It has also been decided by these buggy eyed someones that we no longer need to unpack our laptops to send them through the xray machines. Not sure what that was all about.

We still have to put all of our liquids into little tiny bottles and then into a separate plastic bag.

And today a new exercise has been introduced. After sending your carry ons through xray and going through the metal detector yourself we went through yet ANOTHER blommin' passport control and then we had to take off our shoes (whilst walking) and put them on yet another xray machine. Then put our shoes back on whilst continuing to walk. Just in case we didn't keep walking there was a woman behind a rope yelling at us to keep walking. Some poor older lady nearly fell over.

I am, however, very impressed with the advance of technology. I sit here in the airport terminal with my fancy spancy new wee ditty laptop using the airport WiFi bringing all the latest news to you as it happens. How cool it that? OK, I know I am a techy geek by some standards but not according to others.

If you have heard the recent news of the debacle that is the Grand Opening of Heathrow's Terminal 5, you will be relieved to know that I am not flying on British Airways. If you haven't heard, read the latest here.

I flying out Air Canada which I've never ever flown before so look for a review tomorrow. Won't be able to tell you much about the food since I'm not eating but I hope that since I'm in the Executive First Class it should be good. Those seats go flat and you get a duvet and pillow so whilst I can't eat, I can sleep!

Airports are the best people watching place. Well, Heathrow airport is anyway. The diversity of the travellers is always shocking. Every size, shape, age, class, colour, hue can be found struggling with their luggage and searching out their departure gate. Someone people read, someone people visit, some people drink, other people just watch other people watching other people.

Gotta run or the plane might leave without me.....ha, not a chance! Speak to you from the other side.

Travel Advisory

With my recent irregular posting, you would be forgiven if you didn't notice but just in case you wonder where I am over the next few days I thought I would let you know.

I'll be in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, that large frozen mass of land to the north of the USA. I've been to Canada on a couple of previous occasions, eg Vancouver, Quebec, Banff. I've even been to Toronto before. Can't say I found it all that interesting. In fact, it would be safe to say I found it downright dull.

Am hoping to be impressed this time round. It's all in the name of work and I suspect I'll be a bit too busy to do anything which offers up much opportunity for changing my views but I go into this with an open mind.

I fly out Saturday afternoon and back late Wednesday night arriving mid morning on Thursday. Give Marc your moral support. He's gonna need it.

McDonald's

We are not a prepared, processed food household. Very nearly every night I prepare our family meals from whole foods using in season vegetables although I do keep a stash of frozen veg in the freezer. And I must confess to using tinned (aka canned) sweet corn and green beans.

We do not have dessert (pudding) unless we have guests round for dinner.

We are not a fast food household. We may once/month indulge in McDonald's or pop into Pizza Hut for a treat after a trip to the cinema every six months or so.

My diet has upset the normal rhythm of the house though. Marc, like many men I know, is wholly incapable of preparing a meal consisting of more than one dish in under 1 hour and will never ever get it all on the table at the same time piping hot. He has tried on numerous occasions and failed just as many.

Marc doesn't really get the whole 5/day rule. It is not unusual for him to prepare a meal with absolutely not a single vegetable on offer.

Marc wholeheartedly believes that a quart of ice cream is dessert. Every night.

Because my loving, supportive (albeit culinary challenged) husband has agreed to prepare every meal for our children during my weight loss challenge, I have decided to let it go and just put it up to the universe. If I can eat nothing for 100 days then my children will certainly survive the gastro adventure that is their father's meal preparation philosophy.

I have taken it upon myself to prepare weekly menus for the next 10 weeks. I have taken extra care to ensure that nothing is especially challenging. All meals are fairly well balanced and should take under 40 minutes to prepare - start to finish. He can choose to use these menus or feel free to veer off course.

I have also prepared corresponding grocery lists. They contain all the items he will need to purchase before the week begins in order to prepare the food for that week's menu. It takes into consideration the contents of the cupboards, freezer, etc. This works unless he veers off course.

Which has led me to my white knuckle moment. Tonight Marc decide to veer off course and get the children and himself dinner from McDonald's. Have you ever smelled a hamburger and french fries right under your own roof and not been able to partake in the debauchery?

My knees buckled and I was salivating. I wanted to rip my children's greasy messes right out of their hands and gobble the calorific mountains in 2 second flat. Heck, I reckon I could eaten it all in under a second.

Sheer torture. I am now contemplating enforcing the meal plan. Not sure how I would manage that but I am plotting my revenge.

Mad, Bad & Dangerous to Know by Sir Ranulph Fiennes

In October 1999, I saw Sir Ranulph Fiennes speak at a Project Management conference I attended in Paris, France. He was interesting although I did question his suitability as a speak at a Project Manger conference. I mean this man hadn't completed more than just 1 of his expeditions and he notoriously took more than 6 years planning his first expedition when he originally had thought it would only take 6 months. Maybe he was an example of what not to do.

He was inspiring nonetheless for his sheer stubbornness. And he had an uncanny dry wit about his presentation style. I laughed although i was never quite sure I was laughing at the appropriate time since the presenter never cracked a smile.

Sir Ranulph Fiennes was born in 1943 making him 65 (or so) years old. Mad, Bad & Dangerous to Know is his autobiography originally published in 1987 and was chosen as the book group selection for March.

One of our original aims for the book group was to get us to read books which were outside of our comfort zone and we wouldn't normally pick out for ourselves to read. This book certainly falls into that category.

About a year ago I read a whole series of books written about the 1996 Mt Everest climbing season when a whole bunch of people died including 2 very accomplished and world famous climbing guides. There were differing stories about what happened up on the mountain and the alleged selfish and irresponsible behaviour of the climbing community during that fateful ascent. I found the books fascinating but by the 3rd perspective I was bored out of my skull.

I'm not a big fan of expedition for expedition sake. I understand why Sir Edmund Hillary did it. No one else had. I understand why Lewis and Clark did it. No one else had. But I think the explorer community these days are just in it for the fun of it. There doesn't seem to be much point to it anymore. OH sure, now they pretend to do it for charity but I reckon that is just a ploy to get someone else to pay for it all.

So I was more than a little nervous about reading this book but buoyed by my previous encounter with Sir Ranulph I hoped that the wit I saw at the conference would be woven into the book making it an entertaining yarn.

The books starts out with his extraordinary upbringing which is truly extraordinary. The family tree in the appendix is hilarious and fascinating going back to King Charles the Great. Seriously, I am not making this up. I wish the book had been about the family tree.

Because most of the book is a tedious play by play of each and every expedition. I must admit to skimming some chapters for fear of falling into a catatonic trance.

Which might by ok if he was a successful explorer. But it doesn't appear he was. The Transglobe appears to be his first and only successful expedition. I put that down to some amazing luck. Every subsequent attempt is thwarted by weather, health, weather, injury, weather or loss of supplies or weather.

Besides the Transglobe was truly a first time achievement. Prince Charles called it "monumental". And Fiennes succeeded. the first couple chapters dedicated to the story of how is astonishing and mesmerising.

But, like the remainder of Fiennes exploration career, it all goes a bit pear shaped after that.

Sir Ranulph reveals very little of his inner and private self which if you are going to write an autobiography I thought was the whole point. He insists, perhaps a bit too forcefully, how much his late wife, Ginny, meant to him. Near as I can figure he was forced into marrying her and once they were married they certainly didn't spend much time together. The only motivation for doing the expeditions is his woeful lack of any other skills. I reckon he was a wee bit lazy and never wanted a proper job. He only found something new to conquer when he needed to freshen up his lecture circuit demand or increase his book sales. Even this book is a repackage and republication of a previously published book.

I'm glad I read it. I won't read it again. And I won't be recommending it to my friends unless they are big fans of Arctic adventures.

pages 384 (excluding index but including appendices)

Book Group Thoughts: Pretty much agree with everything I said. For Once!

Next Month's Selection: The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner

No Real Food

I haven't had a bite of food for 22 days. Yikes!

Lighterlife is a program for weight loss where you eat 4 packs of soup/shake for the first week and 3 packs of soup/shake + 1 bar for the remaining 13 weeks of the program totalling 100 days. In that time you should lose a bare minimum of at least 42 pounds, approximately 3 pounds each and every week.

I am just finishing off week 3 and I've lost 15.4 so this is looking good for my target of losing 64 pounds by June 8.

I've got no small challenges in front of me. I am off to Toronto for a week at the end of March and another week in India at the end of April (both for work). I'll be packing my food packs in my suitcase and hope security doesn't think this is a problem. I'm disappointed about India because I've never been there before and would love to chow down on some lovely Indian food but I've got my priorities straight! Not so much bothered by Toronto.

My biggest challenge though is coming home every night and knowing that I have to feed my children. Luckily, my gorgeous husband is backing my efforts 100% and has made the children every meal they have eaten for the last 21 days bar 1, which was pure torture for me and he promised me he wouldn't put me through that again.

This is a good time of year to do this diet I have found. We are past the Christmas food extravaganza and the Valentine chocolate overdose. Easter is the only thing in my way and my children are happy if I just throw a few chocolate eggs their way. I will miss the deviled eggs but just for this year.

By the time I have hit my goal weight I will be well prepared for the onslaught of summer BBQs and holidays including our trip back to the USA!

Today is Day 22. Only 78 more to go!

Wind

I used to love a powerful wind. The sensation of the wind blowing my hair was exhilarating. Being a sailor I loved the wind even more. Sticks and stones could break my bones but a Gale Force 8 excited me.

And then I moved to England. Wind is as common here as sunshine is in Colorado. The wind and rain don't seem to bother the natives but it is wearing me down. I dont' like the wind so much anymore.

Today an arctic gale is blowing. The temperature is 6.7 C (44 F). Taking into account the wind chill factor I feel like I am living in the antarctic. I reckon it is well below freezing.

We are supposed to be enjoying our Easter Weekend. Good Friday and Easter Monday are holidays here in the UK so we've got a 4 day weekend looming. This is typically a time to get the garden in order and enjoy some walks, maybe even entertain thoughts of a BBQ.

There ain't no way I am going outside to enjoy any fresh air. My children would certainly get blown away unless I tethered them to me. The only thing keeping me from being picked up off my feet is all this excess weight I am carrying around.

The forecast for the weekend was rain, sleet, and hail. Right now the sun is shining and there is blue sky but that don't mean it isn't bone chilling.

We are digging into the DVD collection as we speak.

Fed Up

I finally reached my tipping point. I received another fabulous invitation to another fabulous party and faced the wretched prospect of being the fattest girl at the party. Now I know how this goes: I'd wear a fabulous dress that would pull and pinch and stretch in all the wrong places and I would feel uncomfortable all night not feeling fabulous at all.

I wasn't going to do that anymore.

I gained my weight with my babies and just never quite got my groove back. I'm in my 40s which makes it all that much more difficult. Time to work out is precious and just never seems to bubble to the top.

I started my diet on February 27 and started Lighterlife on March 2. More about that later.

I've got a long way to go and it will be challenging!

Today I'm disheartened but tomorrow will be better. Even if it's not I don't know that today!

World Book Day

March 6 was World Book Day. The children dressed as their favourite book characters for school. Abigail went as Cinderella. Sebastian went as Horrid Henry. Sounds about right.

A Quiet Belief in Angels by RJ Ellory

I kept having the strangest nightmares whilst I was reading this book. I would wake up petrified that someone was wondering the outside of our house looking for a way in. It was disturbing.

Which is pretty much how I felt about the book. Set over 5 decades starting in 1939 in rural Georgia young girls are being killed at the rate of 1 every year. the killing starts in Augusta Falls and Joseph Vaughn knows all of the first 4 victims. He becomes obsessed with the killings and it haunts him and follows him throughout his life.

OK, so not a happy, joyful choice. But the book draws you in. You keep thinking throughout that Joseph will be vindicated and that all the suffering of his life will pay off in the end. You know he didn't kill the girls but there are no clues as to who does.

And when you do find out who does there is absolutely no explanation as to why they did.

The book just ends. It ends in such way that makes me think the writer just ran out of paper and couldn't be bothered to go get some more.

Not recommended.

396 pages

Gooooooalie

Seb had his first football match a few weeks ago. He played the goalie and enjoyed himself almost as much as we did watching him (even if they did lose)!

Helpful Hints

Y'all gonna think I done lost my mind. First the post about my inappropriate relationship with my LeCrueset casserole and now this.

Well, I've changed. Live with it. I yam what I yam.

And besides this post is more for me than all of you anyway. You see, I always read these things and then save them off somewhere and then can't find it when I need it. Well, this whole blog thingy is one darn good filing system because I can just search for anything I am looking for. And voila!

1. Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it.

2. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

3. Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

4. Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

5. Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

6. To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

7. For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints or After Eights (depending on country of origin) in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

8. Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if you want a stronger taste of garlic.

9. Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream.

10. Reheat Pizza: Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza.

11. Easy Deviled Eggs: Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into eggs. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

12. Expanding Frosting: When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

13. Reheating refrigerated bread: To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

14. Newspaper weeds away: Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

15. Broken Glass: Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

16. No More Mosquitoes: Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

17. Squirrel Away: To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

18. Flexible vacuum: To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

19. Reducing Static Cling: Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -- ta da! -- static is gone.

20. Measuring Cups: Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

21. Foggy Windshield? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

22. Reopening envelope: If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside , just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

23. Hair Conditioner: Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

24. Goodbye Fruit Flies: Take a small glass fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

25. Get Rid of Ants: Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Now wasn't that helpful?

PS Thanks Pam!

Home Schooling

I am a big fan of home schooling. Well, not for me and my children but for other extraordinarily brave souls. I am horrified at this article I just read. What do you think?

Reader Poll

Commuter Karma

On my drive to work I like to imagine that every good deed I do comes back to me 10 fold.

At the end of one of the roads near our home is a very busy road that I must cross during rush hour traffic and make a right hand turn. Remember I live in England and we drive on the left side of the road so this is equivalent to making a left turn in America or on the continent.

I usually manage to get out into the middle without much trouble but then I have to rely on the generous nature of other drivers to get into the flow of traffic. There are immediately 3 intersecting road which must also merge into the road I just merged into. I always let at least one car go in front of me from each intersection.

What always amazes me are the number of drivers who I have let in who don't let a car go at the next intersection. I believe this is bad commuter karma.

I reckon if you are nice and considerate to everyone you share the road with, eg drivers, bicyclists, pedestrians, mums with pushchairs, then everyone will be nice to me. If I am rude and in too big of a hurry to be nice to anyone then someone will hit me.

Practice Commuter Karma everyday!